Two, three, and four month updates… Isn’t that title just the epitome of second children? I always swore I wouldn’t be this mom, but here I am, making one blog post update for three months. Oops. At least I have 14,000 photos of my kids on my phone.

So here is some photo dumping- mostly month four, but also a mix on months two and three.

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Ellie girl is four months old!
Weight: 13 lbs, 3oz.
Eye Color: Pretty darn blue! I keep saying I’m not convinced they will stay blue, but I somewhat am now. Ask me again at 10 months, they will probably be brown by then.
Hair: A little thinner than before maybe, and a little lighter too! Don’t worry, mom’s hair is thinner too. #postpartumhairsucks
Size: 3-6 months

• Ellie girl started sucking her thumb around 5-6 weeks old consistently, and is still doing it daily at 4 months.
• She ONLY sleeps on her stomach. We lay her on her back to go to sleep, and it takes about 6 seconds for her to roll to her belly. If you lay her on her back when she’s already asleep, she will 100% wake up. She sleeps on her belly with her thumb in her mouth. I.e. don’t touch my kid’s hands. Ever. Ha. (I only somewhat kid there, they are ALWAYS in her mouth.)
• Poor little lady has battled thrush since around 6 weeks old. Seems like every time we get rid of it, she passes it to me or I pass it back to her. I think we are finally near getting rid of it for good at 16 weeks though! She has been very cranky for a couple months now, and understandably so, because that thrush is brutal.
• Ellie has pretty severe “stranger danger” and hates big crowds. We are working on it. She only loves her thumb and her mama, and she’s not sorry.
• She loves car rides still, and almost always goes to sleep in the car.
• 
• Girlfriend rolled for the first time around 8 weeks, and both front to back and back to front around 11-12 weeks, and does both with ease now. She has been scooting around and rolling where she needs to go for several weeks. She mostly sits up on her elbows, and raises her legs completely off the ground. I’m guessing crawling will happen during month four.
• Baby girl is getting some chunky legs, and I’m not mad about it. Chunky thighs and pretty eyes for life, right?
• Ellie 100% prefers tummy time or to be sitting upright. She HATES being on her back.
• I’m predicting she will walk by 8 months like her brother. (Which is both really cool, and terribly frightening. You don’t understand until you see an 8 month old walking upright with their tiny, squishy little heads…)
• Ellie is more of a mean-mugger than anything. She smiles every once in a while, and definitely has her favorite people that she grins at, but she’s usually just quietly watching and listening.
• When she laughs, she almost never smiles. It’s kind of the funniest sight ever.
• The baby mullet has arrived. I’m hoping her hair grows fast. Her brother had already had a haircut by this time. Her hair is definitely much lighter than her brother’s was. I can’t wait for baby piggy tails, for real.
• Baby girl had her second heart checkup. Unfortunately she still has a hole. Thank goodness though, it has not enlarged any- praise Jesus for that!
• Henry acknowledges her more lately, and likes to drop things on her face while saying “here you gooooooo!”
• Baby girl is about a week or two from consistently sitting up. She tripod sits with ease and unassisted sits frequently too. She LOVES to sit up and watch her brother.
• Ellie loves Henry and me. That’s about it. She sometimes decides that she loves Drew too, but mostly she’s a mama’s girl. That’s okay, because Henry has decided he is 100% a daddy’s boy.

Our babies are sweet, beautiful, funny, kind, and darling little ones. They make life so fun, and it’s hard to believe Ellie is almost through her first year of life. I really can’t imagine what life was like before these two existed, and I’m pretty blessed for their existence.

Ellie Alice is 1 month old!
Weight: 9lbs 12oz
Eye color: Blue! Don’t let that fool you, Henry’s were blue/green until like 10 months.
Hair: Lots. Ha. Mullet status.
Size: Newborn. Some 3 month.

• Ellie takes a pacifier extremely well and likes to make obnoxiously loud noises with it if she’s hungry and does not want it. Henry now wants a paci all the time, and will take sister’s and fall asleep with it in his mouth.
• Girlfriend only cries for two reasons: if she is hungry or if she has pooped. She will cry briefly if she has a big burp, and will burp like a man- but the hunger cries are the serious ones.
  Before we realized how serious she was about her food, we thought she was seriously hurt a couple times when she cried. For example, she let out a shriek in the sushi restaurant that made around six Japanese families turn to look at us with deep concern. Nope, I did not just pinch my infant. She has simply decided she needs milk… right here, right now. And she definitely gets it with her shrieks.
  
• So yes, this little gal loves her milkies more than the air she breathes. Ellie latched immediately after birth- probably not even ten minutes after she was born- and nursed constantly for the first three days. My milk came in immediately, and due to her constant demand for a full belly, I also had to pump for some relief. So we now have a freezer stash of 280 ounces at 1 month old!
  
• Holds her head up 99% unassisted, and actually surpasses her brother’s crazy creepy head control that he also had at birth. She has not rolled at all though, and shows no interest in it so far- Henry had rolled both back to front and front to back by 4 weeks.
  
• She doesn’t mind tummy time and actually prefers it. Chest naps are the best in her mind.
• Ellie girl absolutely loves car rides like her brother did. She rarely cries in the car (unless she is hungry. She will always cry for food.)

• She is a champion sleeper, thank you Jesus. Wakes 1-2 times per night to nurse, be burped, and promptly returns back to sleep.
  
• Ellie doesn’t like to be swaddled, but also doesn’t have a startle reflex, like at all. She can sleep in just a onesie and not wake herself.
• Girlie doesn’t scratch at her face at all. She has never worn the little mittens.
  
• Ellie’s hair has formed a baby mullet. Still lighter than her brother’s at birth.
• She loves to stare, and crosses her eyes often.
  
• This month her sacral dimple and heart murmur were both cleared as being normal! Praise Jesus our girl is healthy!
• Her eyelashes look longer than her brother’s were at birth… and Henry’s are LONG and DARK now. I’m remaining hopeful that she has those long eyelashes too!
• Daddy left this month, and mom has been adjusting to two kiddos alone. So far they are both still alive, and I’ve even gone grocery shopping once.
  
• Big brother calls her “I-E” (eye-ee) as of yesterday, and has finally started to notice her. He likes to walk up to her and pat her head, and will also bring her a music playing seahorse that she likes.
  He likes to cover her feet with a blanket and say “night night I-E!”To include a few Henry milestones in this post, his favorite phrases currently include:
  “Wow, look at that!”
  “Oooh, look at that!”
  “Wow, it’s a (vroom vroom, plane, car, cat)”
  This week he has learned virtually all of his colors and how to count to 5. Yes, in one week. “Blippi” is a genius and YouTube actually isn’t totally worthless.
  He sings several Blippi songs, and particularly likes the “airplane, airplane” song.

We are so richly blessed to have our healthy, sweet babies, and it is so fun being a family of 4!

Ellie Alice is our beautiful, funny, sleepy, hungry little stinker. She is the sweetest and most calm little thing, and she is the absolute perfect addition to our family. I can’t imagine my life without both of my sweet babies.

It’s hard to believe we already have two babies. I never would have guessed at twenty-three that we would have two kids after only three and a half years of marriage, but I can’t imagine a better existence now that they are here.

I have always had lots of contractions through my two pregnancies, and often I physically progressed from these early contractions. I walked around for weeks with Henry at 5cm. When I was pregnant with him, my coworkers used to joke that I had been in labor for months before I actually delivered him. Doctors always tell me to prepare for premature babies with how my body starts labor so early, but alas, both of my kiddos have been considered “full-term.” Henry born at almost 43 weeks, Ellie born at 39 weeks and a day.

Since I was induced with Henry and never went into active labor without medication, I have always thought that those contractions that I felt while walking around were as bad as they ever got. The only time my contractions became painful with his labor was after they hooked me up to my pitocin drip. Dear Lord, if you have labored naturally with pitocin, you are either crazy or a hero- possibly both. But I had decided this time around that I might not even know when I was in active labor, because my contractions were just never painful, even when I was having them 10 minutes apart for weeks and weeks before Ellie was born.

Boy, was I wrong.

I woke up at 5:45am on August 25, and within three contractions I KNEW this baby was coming, and I knew she was coming fast. I had been checked the day before, and was dilated to 4cm but by the time I woke up I was confident I might even be complete and ready to push already.
Poor Drew had made prior plans that morning to help out a couple of his friends with a project, and he was about to leave the house to meet them when he had to call them. I am sure they heard me screaming at him to hurry up in the background. Ha.

We dropped off Henry at our sweet friends’ house around 6:00am, and got checked in to the hospital by 6:30. They were fairly quick to check me, and upon arrival I was already dilated to an 8. They finally got my IV started probably around 7:00. (I say finally only because it felt like an eternity to me as I was still totally unmedicated at this point. My labor and delivery team was speedy and awesome.)
I was begging for an epidural from the moment I buzzed in at the labor and delivery unit, but knew they had to push a unit of fluids first.

You see, I watched the all birthing videos. I totally get it. It’s an empowering thing for women to labor as it happens naturally, and it is totally a thing to be proud of. I don’t deny that.
This just isn’t me. Not at ALL.

At our first hospital when we had Henry, we took every class they offered. Being brand new parents, we really wanted to be prepared. I watched two videos that stuck with me. Both were of women giving birth. One had opted for an epidural during her birth, the other was laboring completely unmedicated in a bathtub. Bathtub lady was clearly sweaty and miserable as I watched her moans turn to screams as she progressed into pushing. Epidural lady was eating a popsicle.

I wanted to be the popsicle lady.

So, with Henry, I felt two contractions after pitocin started, and immediately requested my epidural. My anesthesiologist happened to be down the hall, and came right in not even five minutes later. Within 4 total contractions, I couldn’t feel anything from my belly button down. And I had a grape popsicle, and a baby 4 hours later. What a glorious labor that was.

But I was also warned all through this pregnancy that Ellie may come much faster, as my first labor was fast for being a first- and especially fast for being an induction.

They weren’t wrong.
Actually, in hindsight, I didn’t even realize just how quickly things were happening until I saw all of the time stamps on my discharge papers a few days later.

So, they eventually got me set up with my IV around 7am. I was able to walk into the hospital at 6:00, but by 7:00, I was definitely feeling like I might just die on the spot. Shout out to my sweet nurses and doctors, you were all absolutely amazing, and I can’t think of a better team that I would have liked to have in the delivery room with us.

Laying there, I watched as the nurses quickly brought in table after table of medical tools, only around 30 minutes after I arrived at the hospital. It hit me pretty quickly that this little girl was definitely coming soon.
I remember looking at my med tech who was inserting my IV and asking him, “Um… so… I’m not going to get an epidural in time to push this kid out, am I?”
“Well ma’am, that is definitely a good possibility.”
My reply to that might have been a four-letter word.

After my IV was started and I got my bag of fluid pushed through, the anesthesiologist came to my room. By this time, I knew I was likely complete and ready to push, but I was dang determined to get that needle in my spine before that ever happened.

I held as still as humanly possible, and waited as they did their procedure. Both of my epidurals have been absolutely amazing. Basically no pain at all during the insertion, fast and quick, and no side effects afterwards.
Epidural was successfully places, I was checked again, and was absolutely ready to push. Unfortunately, I could still completely move my legs and the epidural had only slightly numbed me up to my shins. Perhaps it took the edge off a little bit, but I definitely felt every bit of this labor compared to the labor I had with Henry.
Nevertheless, I had delayed for as long as I could. It was time to push, and so I did.

My OBGYN that was with me from the very beginning of my pregnancy unfortunately moved about two weeks before my delivery, and the second OB that I had routinely seen for appointments as well also moved the week following the first one. Thus, I met my brand new OB when I was 10cm, and ready to push. He walked into my room, and I shook his hand probably a solid ten minutes before our baby girl arrived.
My water never broke on its own, so he broke it at 7:52am at 10cm. I pushed for what I felt was quite a while, but in reality, Ellie Alice was born at 7:58am.
So yep, I gave birth before my epidural even numbed me.
Yep, I was the woman that got an epidural at 9-10cm. (Most likely 10cm.)
Yep, I was the lady that screamed bloody murder and probably scared every other laboring woman in that unit, even though I only pushed 3 times.
Although I felt the labor and the pushing, it was quite nice to not have to deal with any of the painful following details.

It’s funny- in hindsight, I am still pro-epidural to the core of my being. I had a lot of friends ask me if I regretted getting it this time around since Ellie was born so shortly after I did. I guess my answer is yes and no.
Yes, I regret it only because I probably could have pushed 25-30 minutes earlier if I had not got it. I’m pretty confident I was at 10cm well before the anesthesiologist even came into the room, so I likely did prolong my labor by fighting the urge to push while I tried to wait. I sat there just trying to see if the numbness would creep up fast enough as my anesthesiologist pushed several doses to my IV. In hindsight though, my postpartum recovery was a million times better because my legs never became completely numb, so I was up and walking about 4 hours after Ellie was born. During my recovery with Henry, I was unable to walk for around 16 hours after delivery.
But also no, I don’t regret it, because I hate pain. Ha.
We were already pretty confident that we will not (intentionally) have any more biological babies after Ellie, and I am pretty set in that decision after experiencing a mostly unmedicated labor. Ellie makes me want to have another baby because she is such an angel, but pain that makes me barf uncontrollably and tell men that I don’t know that I love them more than my husband is just not for me.
Kudos to all of you women who labor for hours and hours and hours before your babies make their arrivals, and kudos to you women who push more than three times. My three times convinced me that my body might be splitting in half, and that I will never willingly do that again, so I am very confident y’all are the real MVPs.

It’s amazing how as soon as you give your final push, and that little babe makes their entrance into the world, you are instantly relieved.

They laid the squishy and gross little girl on my belly, and suctioned out her mouth and nose as they did. We chose to do delayed cord clamping, meaning we waited until the cord stopped pulsating before messing with it, and so it was several minutes later before Drew cut the cord. (And somehow sprayed blood ALL over our med tech when he did. Poor guy. Ha.) Ellie latched immediately, and has been an absolute champ at nursing so far. She made the hours after delivery so incredibly easy.

It’s funny how I hated this entire pregnancy so much, and honestly didn’t feel super connected to Ellie for most of it. I was just so sick during the first trimester, and so tired during the third, and those two trimester’s symptoms each bled into the second, too. I was so busy during my entire pregnancy that I had a hard time connecting with my babe before she was born. Maybe that makes me a crappy mom to admit, but honestly pregnancy just isn’t something that I enjoy. I love my babies with every fiber of my being, and I am forever grateful that we have had no problems conceiving or carrying children, but that 9 months is pretty much hell for me.

But the second that that little girl was laid on my chest, my heart expanded more than I ever thought it could.

Ellie is the sweetest and most perfect little addition to our family, and our family feels so complete. Maybe this will change for me in a few years, but for right now, I can’t imagine life any different than it is right now.

Welcome, my darling Ellie Alice! The world is so much better now that you are here.

A few weeks ago after Ellie was born, I had the opportunity to talk to several different doctors, nurses, and translators through the process of getting Ellie’s heart checked out for her murmur. My interest was definitely sparked after my conversations, and ever since, I have been doing more reading on the differences between America and Japan in regards to birth and maternity care.

It’s funny how as an American, I thought that the entire world functioned the same way that we do.
I thought that epidurals and pain relief were available everywhere.
I thought all women and babies were released from the hospital only a few hours or days after birth.
I thought that a “support person” was encouraged in basically all delivery rooms, and that all women usually chose to have their husbands present.
I really never gave a second thought to how the rest of the world functioned in regards to maternity and newborn care, at least until I lived in a part of the “rest of the world.”

Sitting in the Japanese pediatric cardiologist’s office, I had a pretty cool discussion with our translator. She began to ask questions about our birth experience, and told us how things were different in Japan. We gave birth at an Americanized hospital, so though our daughter was born in Japan, I had a birth experience just like I would have in the states.

The conversation between her and me started with a question that she asked.
“Did you have an epidural?” She asked me kindly.
“Ohhh, yes. But it didn’t even work in time, unfortunately.” I replied, likely with wide eyes. After all, my birth experience was still very fresh on my mind as it had only been two days since I delivered Ellie.
“So you felt everything?” She questioned.
“Yep!”
“That’s what women over here do- they don’t have epidurals!” She said as she smiled at my raised eyebrows.
“You mean they don’t have pain relief?” I asked with what I’m sure was even wider eyes.
“Nope, not at all.”

I had heard this rumor through the grapevine as I neared the end of my pregnancy, but wasn’t sure if it was totally true. So after coming home from Ellie’s appointment, I did some reading on the cultural aspects of birth in Japan. From what I read, Japan is slowly becoming more like America in the practices they have regarding birth, but there are still some very drastic differences. So here are 5 facts that I found fun and interesting about the differences between birthing and recovering in Japan vs. America.

1. Pain relief isn’t a thing in Japanese births.

As I said, many of my American friends told me that the Japanese do not readily use pain relief during birth, and the vast majority of information I read states the same. Most state that even the use of ibuprofen is often looked down upon. Traditional Buddhist beliefs within Japan state that women should receive the full experience of childbirth, pain and all, due to a few different factors. This is said to prepare the mom for what motherhood holds, and is supposed to help her bond better with her baby. Because traditional Japanese views regard patience and suffering as important life lessons, receiving a medicated birth is often looked down upon, especially by older generations. Pain is often said to be a major life “experience” and something that is to be felt, not masked.

2. Japanese insurance only provides a “lump sum” payment for the coverage of your delivery.

This payment is said by multiple sources that I found to be 420,000 yen, or approximately $4,000 USD. According to the Japan Times, the average cost of an uncomplicated delivery is around 500,000 yen, or a little less than $5,000 USD. Often though, uncomplicated births are completely covered by the lump sum allowance.
Typically women are expected to pay up front for their deliveries, and will be reimbursed at a later date by this lump sum. If a delivery is complicated, or a C-Section takes place, deliveries may cost thousands of dollars more, and the woman/her family are expected to foot the total bill.
Women are first required to report their pregnancy to their city upon its confirmation. They will then be provided with a handbook on their maternity and new baby’s care. Many hospital sites that I visited stated that all checkups must be paid for out of pocket, but that your city may have coupons covering the vast majority of an office’s services. These coupons can be found within your handbook.
In addition, if an epidural is asked for (this only happens in about 5% of all births) the cost of said epidural is usually completely uncovered by insurance. From the sources I read it is likely that an epidural will cost at least 100,000 yen, or a little less than $1,000 USD. Oddly enough though, many sources state that newborn and child care is often completely free and covered until the child reaches the age of 15.

3. Fathers are not often present in the delivery room.

At both hospitals we have delivered at, it was expected for Drew to be my “support person,” and he was actually involved in several aspects of my labor such as holding my legs during pushing, cutting our babies’ cords, or verbally encouraging me during contractions.
Many accounts of birth stories in Japan that I read stated that women often do not have their husbands in the delivery room with them at all, and that they were sometimes even encouraged to face the pain of birth bravely, and alone. Furthermore, women will often choose to deliver their babies in their hometowns, and often their husbands/the fathers will not travel with them for a variety of reasons. Many women leave two to three months before they are due, and return home months later with their newborn. This is not a strange occurrence, and most hospitals will not even blink at a woman arriving to deliver completely alone.

4. Babies typically do not stay in your room, they stay in the nursery.

The concept of “rooming in” with our baby was also a very startling concept to our translator. She stated that she thought that would be incredibly tiring for the mother, who had just given birth.
During my research, many sources stated that mothers are immediately encouraged to nurse their babies- sometimes for up to two hours straight after delivering- but as soon as the nursing session was over, most infants were required to stay in a nursery for the first three days of their life.
I have now delivered at two hospitals who do “total rooming in” meaning my babies have been with me from the second I gave birth to them until the second we left the hospital. Any procedure, any need to take the baby from the room- I have been fully allowed to come along for. In general, most sources stated that mothers and babies are almost fully separated for the first three days of life, with visits being allowed for nursing the newborn.
This could also be due to the sharing of recovery rooms, sometimes up to 4-5 patients per room, which seems to be a fairly normal practice in Japan. The Japanese view privacy and remaining polite very highly, so the absence of newborns from shared recovery rooms makes sense from a “let’s just keep to ourselves” standpoint. No crying babies means everyone in that room is able to sleep.

5. Postpartum care extends much longer than most American hospitals encourage or allow.

According to our translator, the minimum hospital stay for mothers after giving birth is one week from the time of delivery. She was actually absolutely shocked when we said that Ellie was only two days old and that I was discharged around 24 hours after giving birth. Our Ellie was in the hospital for a bit longer due to her heart, but I as her mother was completely released and allowed to simply stay in the room with her until she was as well.
The Japan times states that from their survey, at least 60 percent of women asked stated that their hospital stay was from five to eight days. Even when a woman gives birth at a birthing center or at home with a midwife, the typical range of care extends around five days. This seems to not be viewed as a sad or lazy thing, but rather a privilege that allows the mother to sleep, recover, and heal. During this time, mothers use the advice and help of doctors and nurses, and learn how to properly care for their infants.

Living overseas has broadly expanded my narrow mind in regards to so many aspects of my way of life, and the way the Japanese view the birthing process was seriously eye opening to me. It is funny how stepping foot out of America makes you realize how culturally different the rest of the world is from your tiny little “Americanized box.” If you have time some day, I encourage you to pick another country, and read about their birthing practices. Some of the things you will read will absolutely baffle you, both about the other country, and about how we do things in the United States. In the end, babies will be born every day all over the world. The beauty of birth absolutely remains the same across the world, the process may just look a little different from various sets of eyes.

 

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Citations from the reading/research I did:

“No Pain, No Gain. Maternity Culture in Japan” The Economist. October 20, 2016. https://www.economist.com/asia/2016/10/20/no-pain-no-gain

“Make Giving Birth Easier in Japan” Japan Times. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2017/12/03/commentary/japan-commentary/make-giving-birth-easier-japan/#.W4ke82QzaAw

“Pregnancy and Birth in Japan” Japan Times. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2015/06/03/issues/pregnancy-birth-japan-cultural-primer-foreign-mothers/#.W55icSN97-k

“Prenatal Care” Japan Healthcare Info. http://japanhealthinfo.com/pregnancy-and-childbirth/prenatal-care/

“Giving Birth in Japan” RCM. https://www.rcm.org.uk/news-views-and-analysis/analysis/giving-birth-in-japan

“Giving Birth In Japan” Japan Window. http://japanwindow.com/giving-birth-in-japan/