When you first arrive in Misawa, you may be startled and discouraged by many of the prices you see. Produce was the first thing that disheartened me, because I am a watermelon girl for life, and definitely wasn’t used to seeing them for $17. There are several ways to save money in Misawa though, it just takes a little while to figure out all the tricks. Between COLA and shopping smart, you can still easily survive, and even save money while stationed here, no matter what rank you are.
Buy AC units during the winter months
If you PCS in sometime other than June-late August, BUY AN AC IMMEDIATELY IF YOU SEE ONE. Check all the buy and sell pages- there are at least 5 of them. If your home is equipped with AC- you are awesome, and you kind of suck, but you can ignore this. But if you do not have AC in your home, I highly recommend buying one during the cold season.
During the winter you can find AC units for as cheap as $40-$50. If you try to purchase one in the melty months of summer, you might be paying $500-$600 per unit. Two units are allowed to be on at one time on base. Pro tip: We own three but ONLY ever run two at a time. The base is very strict on this- those things suck energy like mad. But this way we are able to have an AC unit in each kiddo’s room upstairs for sleeping at night, and one downstairs for during the day. We only ever run two at once, but this keeps us from having to move them up and down the stairs. It can be miserable with kids if you do not have an AC during the hottest months, so make sure you plan ahead.
Also… dehumidifiers are your best friend, and will also be WAY cheaper during the winter months. You won’t even realize how humid it is here until your hair starts moving towards the stars and black mold starts appearing in your bathroom like your kid splattered paint on the wall. I highly recommend keeping your bathroom fog fans running 24/7. We have left ours on since we moved in, and I have seen no mold yet.
Daiso has small dehumidifier bags that you can purchase, and DampRid works very well for closets. (I linked the ones I buy from Amazon below, they are my affiliate links.) I use these hanging ones for my closets, and put the buckets in my cabinets behind towels or food where my kids can’t reach them.
Take advantage of the thrift store-
IF YOU ARE E4 & BELOW, TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THEIR PROGRAMS!
For E4 and below, when you first arrive in Misawa, you are eligible to receive $50 of free merchandise during the first 90 days after your arrival. Make sure to bring your ID and a copy of your orders if you’d like to sign up for this. You will also receive $25 for free to spend each month in the thrift store at these ranks. I buy ALL my kids’ clothes and toys here, then donate them back when I’m done with them! This was a total lifesaver too while we were waiting on our home goods shipment to arrive.
Join and use the Misawa Free Stuff page
Seriously, people give so much stuff away here. This is also an awesome way to get rid of anything you need rid of quickly! When people PCS out, they often leave boxes of cleaning supplies, toiletries, spices, and canned food outside of their houses and will post about it on this page. If you are just coming in, and are still in TLF, this is an awesome way to get some basic items like shampoo, spices, cleaning supplies, or soups for the waiting period until you get assigned to your house and purchase a vehicle.
If you are getting rid of something decent or still functional, post it on the page! Even if you just drop it on your curb- somebody may want it, and I hate seeing how often things go straight to the dump. Almost everything I have placed on my curb and posted about on this page was rehomed to another family vs going to the landfill. Win-win.
Research the Japan Explorer Pass
I will leave this very up in the air with that term “research,” because there is a lot of controversy on whether or not service members are allowed to use this. Basically, this is a discount flight booking website for traveling to lots of places in Japan, including Tokyo. Offered through Japan airlines, it is used to encourage the exploration of Japan, and to encourage the spending of money along the way, of course. To my understanding, JAL has initiated it in order to encourage tourism and commerce within the country.
Flights can be as little as $99 for round-trip, which is often less than half of the price of same flight if purchased from a regular commercial site. Lots of my friends have successfully used it, and state that their orders serve as their “return ticket.” I won’t tell you to do it or not, but I will say to read up on it! Either way, family that visit from the states are DEFINITELY 100% allowed to use this, and it saves a TON on the flight from Tokyo to Misawa, and the flight back.
Take advantage of the rotator
(Also called: the hop / the Patriot Express)
I have yet to do this, so I really don’t have a ton of information on the exact process here at Misawa, but realize that you are often able to travel Space A on the rotator when it returns to Seattle. The regular price for that international flight can be crazy expensive, especially if you have several in your family, making it hard to afford a return trip to the states. If you are willing to gamble on whether or not you will get a seat for all your family members, or if you have super flexible dates on travel, you can save thousands by “hopping” on this flight. Do be aware that there are different categories of who gets preference on seats, and that there are no “lap children” when it comes to this flight. If you have 6 infants traveling with you, you’ll need 6 seats. (I hope you don’t have 6 infants traveling with you. If you do, God bless.)
Take advantage of the exchange rate
Especially on larger purchases, you can very easily save/make money using the exchange rate. Pay attention to the rate each day.
The exchange rate for USD to yen is the best at Sky Plaza, directly outside of base. There is a small little machine that you insert your money into, and it converts it for you. The exchange rate will always be better off base.
Become a club member
Especially if you are enlisted, and especially if you are a lower rank, club membership is CHEAP. The club puts on a free dinner once every month, always on a Wednesday. As a family of four, we probably save a total of $30-40 each month on that dinner alone. Eating out as a family is expensive, and if you have kids it’s totally worth it to be a club member. Membership also gets you various discounts on other meals. We only pay around $4 a month for our membership, and just make sure to go to the dinner every single month! The membership fee will be based on your rank, so it may differ slightly based on that. Download the Member Planet app, and you always have your membership card on you!
Shopping Tips
There are soooo many ways to save money or shop better while overseas. Not having a Target in your back yard is pretty heartbreaking, yes. But I will also desperately miss Daiso when I return to the states. Here are a few shopping tips that I’ve found helpful:
Sign up for Amazon Japan-
Having Prime for Amazon Japan is WAY cheaper than in the states, and it will deliver to your front door on base. We choose to pay for both our American Amazon Prime as well as our Amazon Japan Prime. Prime for Japan only costs around $3.50/month (400 yen) and you will get a discount on top of that if you choose to buy a year in full.
Make sure you use Google Chrome and choose to translate it automatically while shopping. If you do this AND set your settings to English, it’s pretty easy to shop. Some items tend to be outrageously priced, but most are just like you would find on the American Amazon. I have ordered shelf hardware, earpros for the kids, and even a computer charger from there. Overnight or next day shipping to my door, even on base. Totally worth it for me to not have to go pick it up at the Post Office!
ALSO, most Japanese sites that you shop from will allow you to pay cash on delivery if you choose to. I always try to have exact change if possible, but the post office delivery people do carry change. I have done this a couple times, as Amazon Japan can be kind of weird on accepting credit cards at times. Only ever use Visa, and if you are not using USAA or Navy Federal, you should probably place your order in USD and not in Yen to avoid foreign transaction fees.
Here’s how to enter your address on Amazon Japan: (it’s a little different than how to enter your address for any other Japanese site for shipping it straight to your door. Search Misawa Asks if you have any questions on other sites.)
First and Last Name
Misawa Air Base
Misawa-Shi
Building #, Apartment #
Aomori-Ken
033-0012
Japan
Click on the banner below to take you to the page for signing up for Amazon Prime in Japan. This is my affiliate link, but also the direct link to the Japanese Amazon site. You can shop easily through their site anytime by typing amazon.jp instead of amazon.com.
Also remember that if you are a student (high school or college) you can get a full 6 months of Prime for free. I searched FOREVER for the page to signup for that, and finally found it. It’s linked below as well!
Check out Daiso and Seria & the “Bunny Store” if you have kids-
Check out both of these stores during the first week you are here. Not only do they have super cute home decor (tons of Farmhouse style stuff, y’all) but they have TONS of household items that are only 100 yen, which equates to around 88-89 cents. I can’t even tell you how many things you can get here for 88 cents that somewhere on base would charge $8-$9 for. And they are almost always amazing quality- the only crummy quality I’ve found is mostly on the small toys, but my toddler is also brutal on his toys.
This is a great place to shop for cheap souvenirs for family or kiddos back home as well. Lots of traditional Japanese things without having to pay a pretty penny.
The biggest and closest Daiso is in the Shimoda Mall on the bottom floor, but there is another decently sized Daiso about 7 minutes from base.
Also, Japanese diapers are AWESOME quality, and usually cheaper than on base. You can find those at the “Bunny Store” along with some super cute baby/kid stuff! Just google a conversion chart to find the correct size for your kiddo. There is a Bunny Store close to base, and also one in the Shimoda Mall as well.
Just copy and paste the bold parts into your GPS search bar, coordinates/pins look weird sometimes but these should take you to the correct places.
Coordinates to Shimoda Mall:
40-1 Nakanotai, Oirase-chō, Kamikita-gun, Aomori-ken 039-2112, Japan
Coordinates to small Daiso by base:
1 Chome-50-2 Midorigaoka, Oirase-chō, Kamikita-gun, Aomori-ken 039-2187, Japan
Coordinates to Seria (Bunny Store is across the street):
Ellie Alice is 1 month old!
Weight: 9lbs 12oz
Eye color: Blue! Don’t let that fool you, Henry’s were blue/green until like 10 months.
Hair: Lots. Ha. Mullet status.
Size: Newborn. Some 3 month.
Ellie takes a pacifier extremely well and likes to make obnoxiously loud noises with it if she’s hungry and does not want it. Henry now wants a paci all the time, and will take sister’s and fall asleep with it in his mouth.
Girlfriend only cries for two reasons: if she is hungry or if she has pooped. She will cry briefly if she has a big burp, and will burp like a man- but the hunger cries are the serious ones.
Before we realized how serious she was about her food, we thought she was seriously hurt a couple times when she cried. For example, she let out a shriek in the sushi restaurant that made around six Japanese families turn to look at us with deep concern. Nope, I did not just pinch my infant. She has simply decided she needs milk… right here, right now. And she definitely gets it with her shrieks.
So yes, this little gal loves her milkies more than the air she breathes. Ellie latched immediately after birth- probably not even ten minutes after she was born- and nursed constantly for the first three days. My milk came in immediately, and due to her constant demand for a full belly, I also had to pump for some relief. So we now have a freezer stash of 280 ounces at 1 month old!
Holds her head up 99% unassisted, and actually surpasses her brother’s crazy creepy head control that he also had at birth. She has not rolled at all though, and shows no interest in it so far- Henry had rolled both back to front and front to back by 4 weeks.
She doesn’t mind tummy time and actually prefers it. Chest naps are the best in her mind.
Ellie girl absolutely loves car rides like her brother did. She rarely cries in the car (unless she is hungry. She will always cry for food.)
The crazy hair and the beginnings of a killer mullet.
She is a champion sleeper, thank you Jesus. Wakes 1-2 times per night to nurse, be burped, and promptly returns back to sleep.
Ellie doesn’t like to be swaddled, but also doesn’t have a startle reflex, like at all. She can sleep in just a onesie and not wake herself.
Girlie doesn’t scratch at her face at all. She has never worn the little mittens.
Ellie’s hair has formed a baby mullet. Still lighter than her brother’s at birth.
She loves to stare, and crosses her eyes often.
This month her sacral dimple and heart murmur were both cleared as being normal! Praise Jesus our girl is healthy!
Her eyelashes look longer than her brother’s were at birth… and Henry’s are LONG and DARK now. I’m remaining hopeful that she has those long eyelashes too!
Daddy left this month, and mom has been adjusting to two kiddos alone. So far they are both still alive, and I’ve even gone grocery shopping once.
Big brother calls her “I-E” (eye-ee) as of yesterday, and has finally started to notice her. He likes to walk up to her and pat her head, and will also bring her a music playing seahorse that she likes.
He likes to cover her feet with a blanket and say “night night I-E!”To include a few Henry milestones in this post, his favorite phrases currently include:
“Wow, look at that!”
“Oooh, look at that!”
“Wow, it’s a (vroom vroom, plane, car, cat)”
This week he has learned virtually all of his colors and how to count to 5. Yes, in one week. “Blippi” is a genius and YouTube actually isn’t totally worthless.
He sings several Blippi songs, and particularly likes the “airplane, airplane” song.
We are so richly blessed to have our healthy, sweet babies, and it is so fun being a family of 4!
Ellie Alice is our beautiful, funny, sleepy, hungry little stinker. She is the sweetest and most calm little thing, and she is the absolute perfect addition to our family. I can’t imagine my life without both of my sweet babies.
It’s hard to believe we already have two babies. I never would have guessed at twenty-three that we would have two kids after only three and a half years of marriage, but I can’t imagine a better existence now that they are here.
I have always had lots of contractions through my two pregnancies, and often I physically progressed from these early contractions. I walked around for weeks with Henry at 5cm. When I was pregnant with him, my coworkers used to joke that I had been in labor for months before I actually delivered him. Doctors always tell me to prepare for premature babies with how my body starts labor so early, but alas, both of my kiddos have been considered “full-term.” Henry born at almost 43 weeks, Ellie born at 39 weeks and a day.
My sweet babies both sleeping a few hours after Ellie arrived.
Since I was induced with Henry and never went into active labor without medication, I have always thought that those contractions that I felt while walking around were as bad as they ever got. The only time my contractions became painful with his labor was after they hooked me up to my pitocin drip. Dear Lord, if you have labored naturally with pitocin, you are either crazy or a hero- possibly both. But I had decided this time around that I might not even know when I was in active labor, because my contractions were just never painful, even when I was having them 10 minutes apart for weeks and weeks before Ellie was born.
Boy, was I wrong.
My whole heart in one photo.
I woke up at 5:45am on August 25, and within three contractions I KNEW this baby was coming, and I knew she was coming fast. I had been checked the day before, and was dilated to 4cm but by the time I woke up I was confident I might even be complete and ready to push already.
Poor Drew had made prior plans that morning to help out a couple of his friends with a project, and he was about to leave the house to meet them when he had to call them. I am sure they heard me screaming at him to hurry up in the background. Ha.
I never told Drew that I hated him through labor, although I did tell the anesthesiologist that I loved him more than Drew. Oops.
We dropped off Henry at our sweet friends’ house around 6:00am, and got checked in to the hospital by 6:30. They were fairly quick to check me, and upon arrival I was already dilated to an 8. They finally got my IV started probably around 7:00. (I say finally only because it felt like an eternity to me as I was still totally unmedicated at this point. My labor and delivery team was speedy and awesome.)
I was begging for an epidural from the moment I buzzed in at the labor and delivery unit, but knew they had to push a unit of fluids first.
You see, I watched the all birthing videos. I totally get it. It’s an empowering thing for women to labor as it happens naturally, and it is totally a thing to be proud of. I don’t deny that.
This just isn’t me. Not at ALL.
At our first hospital when we had Henry, we took every class they offered. Being brand new parents, we really wanted to be prepared. I watched two videos that stuck with me. Both were of women giving birth. One had opted for an epidural during her birth, the other was laboring completely unmedicated in a bathtub. Bathtub lady was clearly sweaty and miserable as I watched her moans turn to screams as she progressed into pushing. Epidural lady was eating a popsicle.
I wanted to be the popsicle lady.
Henry getting to know his new sister. For the first day he only growled at her and told her to “shhhhh, get down!” repeatedly.
So, with Henry, I felt two contractions after pitocin started, and immediately requested my epidural. My anesthesiologist happened to be down the hall, and came right in not even five minutes later. Within 4 total contractions, I couldn’t feel anything from my belly button down. And I had a grape popsicle, and a baby 4 hours later. What a glorious labor that was.
But I was also warned all through this pregnancy that Ellie may come much faster, as my first labor was fast for being a first- and especially fast for being an induction.
They weren’t wrong.
Actually, in hindsight, I didn’t even realize just how quickly things were happening until I saw all of the time stamps on my discharge papers a few days later.
So, they eventually got me set up with my IV around 7am. I was able to walk into the hospital at 6:00, but by 7:00, I was definitely feeling like I might just die on the spot. Shout out to my sweet nurses and doctors, you were all absolutely amazing, and I can’t think of a better team that I would have liked to have in the delivery room with us.
Laying there, I watched as the nurses quickly brought in table after table of medical tools, only around 30 minutes after I arrived at the hospital. It hit me pretty quickly that this little girl was definitely coming soon.
I remember looking at my med tech who was inserting my IV and asking him, “Um… so… I’m not going to get an epidural in time to push this kid out, am I?”
“Well ma’am, that is definitely a good possibility.”
My reply to that might have been a four-letter word.
After my IV was started and I got my bag of fluid pushed through, the anesthesiologist came to my room. By this time, I knew I was likely complete and ready to push, but I was dang determined to get that needle in my spine before that ever happened.
I held as still as humanly possible, and waited as they did their procedure. Both of my epidurals have been absolutely amazing. Basically no pain at all during the insertion, fast and quick, and no side effects afterwards.
Epidural was successfully places, I was checked again, and was absolutely ready to push. Unfortunately, I could still completely move my legs and the epidural had only slightly numbed me up to my shins. Perhaps it took the edge off a little bit, but I definitely felt every bit of this labor compared to the labor I had with Henry.
Nevertheless, I had delayed for as long as I could. It was time to push, and so I did.
My OBGYN that was with me from the very beginning of my pregnancy unfortunately moved about two weeks before my delivery, and the second OB that I had routinely seen for appointments as well also moved the week following the first one. Thus, I met my brand new OB when I was 10cm, and ready to push. He walked into my room, and I shook his hand probably a solid ten minutes before our baby girl arrived.
My water never broke on its own, so he broke it at 7:52am at 10cm. I pushed for what I felt was quite a while, but in reality, Ellie Alice was born at 7:58am.
So yep, I gave birth before my epidural even numbed me.
Yep, I was the woman that got an epidural at 9-10cm. (Most likely 10cm.)
Yep, I was the lady that screamed bloody murder and probably scared every other laboring woman in that unit, even though I only pushed 3 times.
Although I felt the labor and the pushing, it was quite nice to not have to deal with any of the painful following details.
It’s funny- in hindsight, I am still pro-epidural to the core of my being. I had a lot of friends ask me if I regretted getting it this time around since Ellie was born so shortly after I did. I guess my answer is yes and no.
Yes, I regret it only because I probably could have pushed 25-30 minutes earlier if I had not got it. I’m pretty confident I was at 10cm well before the anesthesiologist even came into the room, so I likely did prolong my labor by fighting the urge to push while I tried to wait. I sat there just trying to see if the numbness would creep up fast enough as my anesthesiologist pushed several doses to my IV. In hindsight though, my postpartum recovery was a million times better because my legs never became completely numb, so I was up and walking about 4 hours after Ellie was born. During my recovery with Henry, I was unable to walk for around 16 hours after delivery.
But also no, I don’t regret it, because I hate pain. Ha.
We were already pretty confident that we will not (intentionally) have any more biological babies after Ellie, and I am pretty set in that decision after experiencing a mostly unmedicated labor. Ellie makes me want to have another baby because she is such an angel, but pain that makes me barf uncontrollably and tell men that I don’t know that I love them more than my husband is just not for me.
Kudos to all of you women who labor for hours and hours and hours before your babies make their arrivals, and kudos to you women who push more than three times. My three times convinced me that my body might be splitting in half, and that I will never willingly do that again, so I am very confident y’all are the real MVPs.
Hospital attire for babies always cracks me up.
It’s amazing how as soon as you give your final push, and that little babe makes their entrance into the world, you are instantly relieved.
They laid the squishy and gross little girl on my belly, and suctioned out her mouth and nose as they did. We chose to do delayed cord clamping, meaning we waited until the cord stopped pulsating before messing with it, and so it was several minutes later before Drew cut the cord. (And somehow sprayed blood ALL over our med tech when he did. Poor guy. Ha.) Ellie latched immediately, and has been an absolute champ at nursing so far. She made the hours after delivery so incredibly easy.
Our poor med tech, covered in my blood. Haha.
It’s funny how I hated this entire pregnancy so much, and honestly didn’t feel super connected to Ellie for most of it. I was just so sick during the first trimester, and so tired during the third, and those two trimester’s symptoms each bled into the second, too. I was so busy during my entire pregnancy that I had a hard time connecting with my babe before she was born. Maybe that makes me a crappy mom to admit, but honestly pregnancy just isn’t something that I enjoy. I love my babies with every fiber of my being, and I am forever grateful that we have had no problems conceiving or carrying children, but that 9 months is pretty much hell for me.
But the second that that little girl was laid on my chest, my heart expanded more than I ever thought it could.
Ellie is the sweetest and most perfect little addition to our family, and our family feels so complete. Maybe this will change for me in a few years, but for right now, I can’t imagine life any different than it is right now.
Welcome, my darling Ellie Alice! The world is so much better now that you are here.
A few weeks ago after Ellie was born, I had the opportunity to talk to several different doctors, nurses, and translators through the process of getting Ellie’s heart checked out for her murmur. My interest was definitely sparked after my conversations, and ever since, I have been doing more reading on the differences between America and Japan in regards to birth and maternity care.
It’s funny how as an American, I thought that the entire world functioned the same way that we do.
I thought that epidurals and pain relief were available everywhere.
I thought all women and babies were released from the hospital only a few hours or days after birth.
I thought that a “support person” was encouraged in basically all delivery rooms, and that all women usually chose to have their husbands present.
I really never gave a second thought to how the rest of the world functioned in regards to maternity and newborn care, at least until I lived in a part of the “rest of the world.”
Sitting in the Japanese pediatric cardiologist’s office, I had a pretty cool discussion with our translator. She began to ask questions about our birth experience, and told us how things were different in Japan. We gave birth at an Americanized hospital, so though our daughter was born in Japan, I had a birth experience just like I would have in the states.
The conversation between her and me started with a question that she asked.
“Did you have an epidural?” She asked me kindly.
“Ohhh, yes. But it didn’t even work in time, unfortunately.” I replied, likely with wide eyes. After all, my birth experience was still very fresh on my mind as it had only been two days since I delivered Ellie.
“So you felt everything?” She questioned.
“Yep!”
“That’s what women over here do- they don’t have epidurals!” She said as she smiled at my raised eyebrows.
“You mean they don’t have pain relief?” I asked with what I’m sure was even wider eyes.
“Nope, not at all.”
I had heard this rumor through the grapevine as I neared the end of my pregnancy, but wasn’t sure if it was totally true. So after coming home from Ellie’s appointment, I did some reading on the cultural aspects of birth in Japan. From what I read, Japan is slowly becoming more like America in the practices they have regarding birth, but there are still some very drastic differences. So here are 5 facts that I found fun and interesting about the differences between birthing and recovering in Japan vs. America.
1. Pain relief isn’t a thing in Japanese births.
As I said, many of my American friends told me that the Japanese do not readily use pain relief during birth, and the vast majority of information I read states the same. Most state that even the use of ibuprofen is often looked down upon. Traditional Buddhist beliefs within Japan state that women should receive the full experience of childbirth, pain and all, due to a few different factors. This is said to prepare the mom for what motherhood holds, and is supposed to help her bond better with her baby. Because traditional Japanese views regard patience and suffering as important life lessons, receiving a medicated birth is often looked down upon, especially by older generations. Pain is often said to be a major life “experience” and something that is to be felt, not masked.
2. Japanese insurance only provides a “lump sum” payment for the coverage of your delivery.
This payment is said by multiple sources that I found to be 420,000 yen, or approximately $4,000 USD. According to the Japan Times, the average cost of an uncomplicated delivery is around 500,000 yen, or a little less than $5,000 USD. Often though, uncomplicated births are completely covered by the lump sum allowance.
Typically women are expected to pay up front for their deliveries, and will be reimbursed at a later date by this lump sum. If a delivery is complicated, or a C-Section takes place, deliveries may cost thousands of dollars more, and the woman/her family are expected to foot the total bill.
Women are first required to report their pregnancy to their city upon its confirmation. They will then be provided with a handbook on their maternity and new baby’s care. Many hospital sites that I visited stated that all checkups must be paid for out of pocket, but that your city may have coupons covering the vast majority of an office’s services. These coupons can be found within your handbook.
In addition, if an epidural is asked for (this only happens in about 5% of all births) the cost of said epidural is usually completely uncovered by insurance. From the sources I read it is likely that an epidural will cost at least 100,000 yen, or a little less than $1,000 USD. Oddly enough though, many sources state that newborn and child care is often completely free and covered until the child reaches the age of 15.
3. Fathers are not often present in the delivery room.
At both hospitals we have delivered at, it was expected for Drew to be my “support person,” and he was actually involved in several aspects of my labor such as holding my legs during pushing, cutting our babies’ cords, or verbally encouraging me during contractions.
Many accounts of birth stories in Japan that I read stated that women often do not have their husbands in the delivery room with them at all, and that they were sometimes even encouraged to face the pain of birth bravely, and alone. Furthermore, women will often choose to deliver their babies in their hometowns, and often their husbands/the fathers will not travel with them for a variety of reasons. Many women leave two to three months before they are due, and return home months later with their newborn. This is not a strange occurrence, and most hospitals will not even blink at a woman arriving to deliver completely alone.
4. Babies typically do not stay in your room, they stay in the nursery.
The concept of “rooming in” with our baby was also a very startling concept to our translator. She stated that she thought that would be incredibly tiring for the mother, who had just given birth.
During my research, many sources stated that mothers are immediately encouraged to nurse their babies- sometimes for up to two hours straight after delivering- but as soon as the nursing session was over, most infants were required to stay in a nursery for the first three days of their life.
I have now delivered at two hospitals who do “total rooming in” meaning my babies have been with me from the second I gave birth to them until the second we left the hospital. Any procedure, any need to take the baby from the room- I have been fully allowed to come along for. In general, most sources stated that mothers and babies are almost fully separated for the first three days of life, with visits being allowed for nursing the newborn.
This could also be due to the sharing of recovery rooms, sometimes up to 4-5 patients per room, which seems to be a fairly normal practice in Japan. The Japanese view privacy and remaining polite very highly, so the absence of newborns from shared recovery rooms makes sense from a “let’s just keep to ourselves” standpoint. No crying babies means everyone in that room is able to sleep.
5. Postpartum care extends much longer than most American hospitals encourage or allow.
According to our translator, the minimum hospital stay for mothers after giving birth is one week from the time of delivery. She was actually absolutely shocked when we said that Ellie was only two days old and that I was discharged around 24 hours after giving birth. Our Ellie was in the hospital for a bit longer due to her heart, but I as her mother was completely released and allowed to simply stay in the room with her until she was as well.
The Japan times states that from their survey, at least 60 percent of women asked stated that their hospital stay was from five to eight days. Even when a woman gives birth at a birthing center or at home with a midwife, the typical range of care extends around five days. This seems to not be viewed as a sad or lazy thing, but rather a privilege that allows the mother to sleep, recover, and heal. During this time, mothers use the advice and help of doctors and nurses, and learn how to properly care for their infants.
Living overseas has broadly expanded my narrow mind in regards to so many aspects of my way of life, and the way the Japanese view the birthing process was seriously eye opening to me. It is funny how stepping foot out of America makes you realize how culturally different the rest of the world is from your tiny little “Americanized box.” If you have time some day, I encourage you to pick another country, and read about their birthing practices. Some of the things you will read will absolutely baffle you, both about the other country, and about how we do things in the United States. In the end, babies will be born every day all over the world. The beauty of birth absolutely remains the same across the world, the process may just look a little different from various sets of eyes.
“Make Giving Birth Easier in Japan” Japan Times. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2017/12/03/commentary/japan-commentary/make-giving-birth-easier-japan/#.W4ke82QzaAw
“Pregnancy and Birth in Japan” Japan Times. https://www.japantimes.co.jp/community/2015/06/03/issues/pregnancy-birth-japan-cultural-primer-foreign-mothers/#.W55icSN97-k
“Prenatal Care” Japan Healthcare Info. http://japanhealthinfo.com/pregnancy-and-childbirth/prenatal-care/
“Giving Birth in Japan” RCM. https://www.rcm.org.uk/news-views-and-analysis/analysis/giving-birth-in-japan
“Giving Birth In Japan” Japan Window. http://japanwindow.com/giving-birth-in-japan/
I have been seeing posts from friends here in Japan forever about fruit picking in the area, but with regular pregnancy tiredness and the average toddlerhood sass, we just haven’t really left the house lately on days off. We braved the 82 degree heat today (all of you back home will scoff at me for that as you sit in 100 degree Missouri, I’m sure) and visited a nearby blueberry farm. We were absolutely not disappointed.
We pulled up to a tiny farm, complete with several chickens, a greenhouse, some barn cats, and a small field of blueberries. As often is the case in Japan, we technically parked in the front yard of the Japanese family that owned the farm.
So far, our experience has proved that Japanese families run their businesses often out of one or two rooms of their own house, or their businesses are stationed directly on their personal property. Many have their business as the lowest level of their house, with their residence on the upper level.
Henry wasn’t 100% sure about the bugs, grass, ants, and hundreds of tiny toddler-sized trees, but he warmed up quickly after tasting a few berries.
As we entered the farm, the sweet Japanese lady at the front table explained to us how everything worked. Adult entry fees cost 500 yen, (equating to about $4.50) and all kids under 7 were free.
35.5 week baby bump, blueberries included. Pardon my lack of eyes, we went mid-day and the sun isn’t nice to my already squinty face.
Most pick-yourself-farms know you will eat as you pick, but I have rarely had a farm ENCOURAGE me to eat all that I could. The Japanese woman bowed to us, motioned to the field, and said “Please PLEASE eat eat eat! As long as you want, eat eat eat!”
And that we did.
At the end of your picking, you can choose to take your basket of berries up to the front and pay to take those berries home, too. Takeaway berries cost 100 yen per 100 grams, which is actually WAY cheaper than you can even find in grocery stores in the area. A pint of blueberries from the store often can cost you anywhere from $5-$7. I expected our two rather full baskets to cost us a pretty penny, but amazingly we only paid 1100 yen (about $9.90) for a HUGE bag full of fresh berries.
And of course all three of us left with full bellies, especially the littlest one of us.
As we went up to pay, the sweet Japanese family all greeted Henry, and the workers who were renovating the family’s home even stopped their work to come interact with us as we paid for our berries. They first sent us with an extra to-go cup full of berries for Henry to eat on the way home, then proceeded to say “gift for you, gift for you!” We watched as they took our bag and scooped almost the exact amount that we had already picked right into our bag- completely free. We paid $9.90 for a little over 4lbs of fresh blueberries!
This was the first bag we picked, we went home with around 4x this many berries.Henry isn’t about the smiling life these days, apparently. #threenager at age two.Henry, munching on his gift from the Japanese family, quickly fell asleep on the way home.
The kindness and hospitality of the Japanese will never cease to amaze me. Perhaps it is because we live closer to rural Japan than to any of the majorly crowded cities- but I am under the belief that this country has things down right. The slow, calm pace and sweet servanthood of every native you come in contact with will surely make you want to never leave the country.
Apple, cherry, and raspberry picking has now been added to our bucket list for sure.
Two years ago on this day, at 5:44pm, our lives got so much brighter. Our sweet little 8lb boy with a full head of black hair was born, and I so vividly remember not being able to hold back tears as they handed him to me.
“Oh my gosh, that’s my baby. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, he’s our baby. This is our Henry.”
During my pregnancy with him, I stumbled upon the song Cecilia and the Satellite by Andrew McMahon, and it played on repeat for the following 20 weeks. Such a sweet song, written for his own daughter, and his words are so unbelievably true.
“For all the things my eyes have seen, the best by far is you.
For all the places I have been, I’m no place without you.
For all the things my hands have held, the best by far is you.”
Man, you’ll hear me constantly talk through my emotions about motherhood in similar ways, but I never knew just how deeply it would change me until my sweet Henry was laid on my chest that day in July.
Two years later, I still feel the same.
It’s funny, because typically the first birthday is the hardest for parents . But this second birthday has been so much more tearful than expected. The little boy that made me a mom is turning two only a few weeks before his little sister will make her appearance, making it all the more real that it has actually been two entire years since our lives changed so drastically.
So, my sweet boy. You went to sleep last night a 1 year old, and opened your eyes this morning a whole number bigger. And since I can’t seem to figure out how to stop this from happening each year, here’s to you on your second birthday.
Henry,
You are so resilient. I am constantly in awe of your ability to go with the flow, and your ability to adapt to any situation. Less than a year ago you moved 6000 miles away from the United States with us, and ever since Japan has simply been your new playground.
You have the sweetest heart, and I hope you never lose that. Your sensitive and caring nature dumbfounds me, and sometimes I am convicted so deeply of my own fallen heart simply by looking at you and the way that you interact with your world. You love kitty cats, you pat my arm when I cry. You snuggle your daddy as he sleeps, you say “pwease” and “ank-youuuu” for everything we hand you. You have a heart of absolute gold, and a face full of sass, and I could not love that more about you.
I pray you will remain resilient as your baby sister comes. So excited for her arrival, we anxiously await as she gets bigger every day. But the countdown is bittersweet knowing that every day that we get closer to meeting her is a day closer to you no longer being our only baby. I pray you always feel loved, cherished, and important, no matter how many times you become a big brother.
I pray so many things for you, sweet boy.
I pray you never stop saying yellow the way you do. “Wewwow”
I pray you never lose your love for all things “vroom vroom.”
I pray you always carry kittens around, snuggling them as you do every single day right now.
I pray you ask US to say “MMM, GOOD” about our food forever.
I pray you always walk up to us and open our hands to stack your matchbox cars in, no matter what else we are busy with.
I pray you never stop leaning forward to have me kiss your forehead every night.
I pray you never stop grabbing my face to kiss me.
I pray you always reach your hand towards mine as we leave the house.
I pray you always bring me books to read to you.
I pray you always look at everything in your world with the same wonder that you do right now. I especially pray you always excitedly and loudly exclaim, “WOW, LOOK AT THAT!”
I pray you stay this little forever, but since I know you won’t, I hope you are always your sweet, thoughtful, and funny self. I hope as you grow well into your toddler years and into the years of school, that you know Jesus as your best friend, your parents as your absolutes, and your family as your biggest fans- no matter how far away they may be at the time.
I fear about the attitude and temperament of your coming little sister, because I do not see how I could ever be blessed with another baby as sweet as you. Thankfully, as seen with you, I have been surprised before. I’m sure you both will grow into quite the spitfires, and I am okay with that. Teach her to see the world you do. I wish I could learn more through your little eyes.
You are so dearly loved, my sweet boy. Your daddy and I can’t seem to say that enough.
Grow in height, grow in sizes, but mostly, please continue growing in your sweet personality and your care for others. If the world could have a million Henrys, it would be all the better for it.
Whether you’re having your first baby or your seventh, baby registries are always both exciting and completely overwhelming.
We purchased so many things for Henry that we NEVER needed, and also missed out on some amazing baby products simply because we didn’t know about them. With our little lady arriving soon, I have been on the search for what we still need for baby #2. I feel like this time around we have a pretty solid grasp on what is necessary for babes, what is fun, and what is completely silly to purchase just because everyone will tell you it is a “must-have.” So, here are our real “must-haves,” from experiencing the baby-game firsthand.
I have split these into two categories, so you know which products I have owned and tested myself, and which I am registering for this time around! This is a pretty long post, mostly because I want you to know exactly WHY I am recommending each product.
I am a safety conscious mom, and am probably a bit more over-protective than most. We breastfeed exclusively, do not introduce solids until at least 6 months, and our babes sleep in our room (and sometimes subsequently our bed, even though we always say they won’t) for several months. Every mama is different, and everything will work differently for each family, so you should decide what works best for you! But in general, these are the items that were lifesavers for us.
This post may contain affiliate links in which I will receive a percentage of a sale if you purchase through my link. This is how I keep my blog running. I want to let you know when I choose to monetize my links. I choose to join affiliate programs based on the products I really, really love, and never join for a product I wouldn’t actually use myself. No company ever forces me to give a false opinion of a product- all opinions are entirely my own, and I only seek out and accept partnerships for companies that I personally want to promote.
Things I will register for again:
I will start with the basics just so we don’t miss anything, and will leave these off the main list as they don’t need much explaining. Whether it is your first or ninth baby, you will always need these:
Car seat- we only reuse a seat if it is in date, has been in no accidents, and is in good physical condition. Our favorite is Britax for ALL seats- feel free to message me if you want my recommendations on seats!
High chair- totally reusable from a first babe, but something that comes in handy if you do not have one already
Diapers- I typically stock up on around 1 box of newborns, and 2 boxes of subsequent sizes. I hate having leftover diapers at the end of a size, so we always buy as we go
Diaper rash cream
Wipes
Baby Wash
Baby Lotion
Pacifiers- totally a personal choice on whether you use them or not, but they are always a great thing to register for as they go missing rather easily
Infant Tylenol and Motrin for later on
Safety Q-tips (these are the best invention ever)
And if you are nursing:
Breast pads
Milk storage bags (tip: check with insurance, these are occasionally covered!)
Monitors accurate oxygen levels and heart rate while your baby sleeps, FSA/HSA approved
Discount:
I have not found a discount directly for Owlet, but have found a sort of “loophole” discount. If you register at Target you receive a 15% off coupon to use on any remaining items on your registry. Typically they make this coupon available to you around 40-60 days before your baby’s arrival date- plenty of time to have the Owlet shipped to you!
Owlet is not excluded from this coupon at this current time. Thus, all you would have to do is create a Target registry and add the items you would like, including the Owlet monitor. You will be mailed/emailed two coupons- one for an online purchase, and one for an in-store purchase, both one time use only.
Super money-saving tip: you can add ANYTHING to your registry. Like, anything. Trust me on this one, you WANT to do this.
So on the day you go to use your coupon, pick the items you would like to purchase from your registry, but also add your groceries to your registry as you go! We added things like toilet paper, milk, cleaning supplies etc, because there is no rule on what can or can’t be added, and we received 15% off our entire transaction that one day. We bought EVERYTHING we needed for our house, and all the groceries we needed for that month, and especially stocked up on any nonperishables that had a gift card deal on them! You can do this both online and in store, and totally snag some great deals in the process. Be sure to watch Target’s gift card promotions too, because they often offer cash back on the Owlet.
If using this coupon, it brings the cost of a monitor down to $254.99.
You can also stack the 5% off RedCard discount on top of all this. If you’re not big into credit cards, they also over a debit card that draws immediately upon purchase from your bank account, just like if you paid with cash or check. We have the debit card and love it. You will get 5% off everything every single time you shop at Target- both online and in store. You can click the link on my side banner to the right to apply.
You can view your baby’s vitals directly from your smartphone, but you do not need a smartphone for the base station to alert you to any problems with your baby.
There is a reason this product is mentioned first on my list, and there is a reason that I recommend Owlet over the Snuza or Angel Care monitors. We purchased our Owlet a few days after Henry was born, because my postpartum anxiety was through the ROOF in regards to SIDS. I could talk all day long about Owlet, but I will save most of this for a separate post at some point as to not spam you with my opinions on just one product here. Please message me if you have any questions about the device- I am more than happy to answer them! I do not belong to their affiliate program, and this review is totally not connected to them at all- I just sincerely love their product.
Let me start by saying the difference between my sleep before and after receiving our device was startling. Though Owlet declares that it is not a machine intended for use in the prevention of SIDS, it can absolutely prevent things such as asphyxiation and strangulation, and may alert you to underlying birth defects or unknown heart/lung conditions your babe could have, which in turn could result in a SIDS case. It gave me a TON of peace when our Henry was sick or stuffy, and made for better sleep for everyone.
For me, knowing that problems in Henry’s heart rate or oxygen levels would be detected was enough to give me the peace of mind to sleep while he slept. I chose Owlet because they use the same technology that all hospitals and NICUs use for monitoring heart rate and oxygen levels. Their sensor uses pulse oximetry, not just a movement tracker like Snuza or Angel Care, and their systems have been internationally approved for accuracy. I tested this myself one day when I took Henry in for a checkup. The Owlet read exactly the same as the hospital’s pulse oximeter readings of Henry.
Though I love the company, I know there are several common concerns that I hear often from skeptical potential buyers. The most common one being: Won’t it only produce false alarms and cause me more stress in my life? My answer? Absolutely not, if you follow the instructions. The device is made to function correctly, and false alarms absolutely should not happen. We did ample research on how to CORRECTLY use the sock, how to interpret your babe’s readings, and how to know when there is a problem. We only had a few false alarms at the beginning due to using the wrong size sock to begin with, but once we figured out our smart sock settings for Henry, we never had a false alarm again. The alarms for a baby’s vitals being in dangerous levels are completely different than the alarm for the sock falling off his/her foot. Your sock should NEVER have false alarms. If you do, you are not using the correct sock size, or are not placing the monitor on the foot correctly.
Owlet alerted me once when Henry’s oxygen levels dropped substantially one night around three months old, and I woke in the middle of the night to find him holding his breath. I immediately scooped him up, waking him from his deep sleep, and the levels returned to normal. I can’t say for sure that Owlet saved his life, but I can say that I would rather 100000x been woke up that night to make sure he was breathing than risk the alternative.
We used our sock until Henry was well past the SIDS risk zone- furthermore we actually used it until he outgrew it at 15 months. Most babies are able to use their socks until 18 months, we simply have a kid with massive feet.
On top of all of this, you can view all the readings of your baby from your smart phone via the Android or iPhone apps. So when I returned to work very early mornings part time when Henry was still at home sleeping with my husband, I was able to check my phone frequently and still know he was asleep and breathing just fine, even though I was 20 miles from home. This same concept applies if you have a nanny or a babysitter- when your babe is asleep, you can always check on their vitals from your phone.
Honestly, I would pay double the price for an Owlet monitor this time around if they were so priced that way, and we are absolutely registering for the Smart Sock 2 Owlet for our little lady coming in a few months. I will have no hesitation buying this monitor again.
Side note: I do recommend buying as close to your due date as possible (if we were stateside, with shipping times we would buy maybe one week before our little girl is due) because the Owlet warranty runs for one year from the date of receipt. Our base station started acting up when Henry was around nine months old, and Owlet sent us a brand new unit after about a 15 minute customer service call, no questions asked.
Keeps babies swaddled safely, allowing for safer sleep habits and better sleep for parents
Discount:
Click the link above for a code for 10% off all Ollie World orders. (Expires July 22, 2018)
We LOVED our swaddle sacks. Originally, we only had one that we took home with us from the hospital accidentally (oops,) but quickly realized that they are lifesavers for parents who wish to swaddle their newborns but still want to keep the crib clear of obstructions to breathing.
Drew and I never figured out how to properly swaddle a baby with a muslin blanket, and since Henry was always SO wiggly and would squirm his way out of blankets easily, I hated to place any blankets in the crib with him at all, for any reason. He was a very early roller, and we always tried to follow the ABC’s of safe sleep, so we did not allow blankets or stuffed animals until he was much older. He LOVED having his belly and one arm swaddled though, so our swaddle sacks were the best investment. (Plus, they are way faster than swaddling with muslin/swaddle blankets.)
My favorite brand of swaddle comes from The Ollie World, as linked above- I think they’re the best quality of the ones we have owned, they wash the best, and are the easiest to use.
We are also fan of Embe Baby Swaddles ($30). We have this one in mint and love it.
And if you are looking for a more inexpensive option (these tend to be outgrown first from my experience, but are still a great option) Ziggy Baby Swaddles ($20 for 3).
Discount- Use code 10OFF at the link above for $10 off any order (expiration unknown)
Multi-functioning lounger, cosleeper, and transition sleeper for your babe
“DockATot Deluxe and DockATot Grand are designed to be comfy and ultra-reliable lounging docks for little ones ages 0-36 months.”
The most common question I get about our docks is: What in the world is it used for? The official use of a dock is detailed on the DockaTot website, and I think it best describes what a dock is purchased for:
“You can use DockATot for co-sleeping, supervised tummy time, play time, snuggle time, supervised naps, as a changing station, or really just any time you need to put baby down in a comforting spot. The Grand is a cozy spot for toddlers to sleep in overnight and is ideal for easing the crib to bed transition.”
For me, our dock eliminated the need for a Boppy, bouncer/lounging chair, changing pad, and cosleeper- and placed all these items I would have purchased separately into one compact lounger.
I recently sought out a collaboration with DockATot to see if they were really as amazing as I hoped, and I will be posting a very detailed review on both the Deluxe and Grand models as soon as our baby girl arrives and I am able to test both. We have received a Deluxe and Grand model complimentary, and have since tested the Grand model for our 23 month old Henry. I was somewhat skeptical about how much the Grand model would actually be needed, but we have been blown away by how much we love Henry’s dock so far.
Henry has been taking his naps every day in his Grand dock, which we are using to help him transition from his crib to a big boy bed before sister arrives. The sides help him feel snug and cuddled in his bigger bed, and somehow magically make him less likely to climb out of bed and wander. And while I used to laugh at people who said this, I swear that dock just has magic dust on it that makes him sleep so much more soundly. He stopped fighting me at bedtime, and asks to take the dock into the living room to sit/lounge in during the day. At night, he is a roller, and often tangles himself in blankets during nap time to the point of us being concerned about suffocation due to how tightly he used to wind himself into them. I have noticed that he has slept much more soundly, and has tossed and turned much less since we introduced the dock into his nap times, making me feel much better about leaving him with his light blankets at night. (The Grand model is okay for use with blankets, the Deluxe is not. Babies under 9 months old should not typically be left with a blanket overnight.)
If you travel often at all, you need this product. I would purchase a Deluxe model 100% simply for how easy it makes hotel visits with babies. Not having to lug around a pack-n-play, which is MUCH heavier and bulkier than a dock, is so worth the money in my opinion, and I know for a fact that Henry sleeps WAY better in his dock than he ever would in a PackNPlay. DockATot is completely safe to use as a cosleeper, provided you follow all guidelines found on their website. We never thought we would cosleep with Henry, and were actually pretty heavily against the idea when he was born, but fell into the habit as he slept better near us and nursed often. I fell into some unsafe sleep habits when he was 6-9ish months old, and I wish I would have had a Deluxe dock during those months to make his sleep safer than it was. God is good, and he was kept safe through the months, but looking back I will definitely be using our dock to help keep our baby girl safe. We nursed until Henry was 17 months old, and the dock would have been a lifesaver. I am so excited to use it for our baby girl.
The dock cover is easily washed and also helps prevent excessive sweating (Henry has benefited from this SO much, and has slept so much more comfortably than he did on just a regular non-breathable mattress.) I tested the breathability of the sides, and was extremely impressed with how breathable they are. I feel comfortable using the Deluxe model as a cosleeper overnight with our little lady, for sure.
I’ll be honest, if you do not have the funds to purchase both a Deluxe and a Grand model, I would recommend purchasing/registering for the Grand only. Babies are able to transition to a Grand model around 9 months old- sometimes sooner depending on how big your baby is- and the help that it has provided us for transitioning Henry to his big boy bed has been SO worth it. You’ll likely get more use out of a Grand in the long run, as babies don’t outgrow them as quickly. That being said, after testing, we would purchase both a Deluxe and a Grand for our little lady if we did not already have them. I am impressed with the quality, and am definitely impressed with how magically it has seemed to make Henry sleep well so far. I can’t wait to put our newborn in her Deluxe. Stay tuned for another review once little lady is here.
4. Baby Carrier (My favorite is LilleBaby) approximately $120-$160
I’ll just say this straight up. You need a baby carrier. If you think you won’t wear your baby, totally reconsider, because you are seriously missing out.
Grocery shopping, hiking, exploring new cities, and even family events are a MILLION times easier with a carrier.
Any baby carrier is worth it, but in my opinion, LilleBaby was the best choice simply due to the transition ability between the newborn to toddler stages, while still keeping your babe’s legs and pelvis safe and sound.
The guides within the packaging tell you exactly how to fold your carrier’s snaps in order for your baby to be correctly carried at each age. There are certain ways you may wear them at each age, and I found LilleBaby to be by FAR the most versatile in regards to this.
They offer a variety of carrier sizes, made for different needs. Each family will be different. We personally chose an all-seasons carrier that allowed Henry to be worn from the day he was born (without a newborn insert) all the way up to the present at almost two years old in these photos. We took him on a trip recently where my husband wore him for several miles each day, and never once complained about it. When you live in a crowded and compressed country like Japan, this made things SO much easier than a stroller.
5. Swing $49-$200
Of course, swings are a lifesaver! I don’t have much to say about this considering they are pretty self-explanatory, and because I think SO many models are great, but my best advice- absolutely get a swing that PLUGS IN. You may think that a swing with battery powered capabilities makes it so much more portable, and that should trump everything, but let me just say this: You likely won’t take that swing with you anywhere, and C&D batteries cost a LOT of money when your baby loves to swing.
Here are a few of my favorites right now on Amazon. We have always gone with Graco swings simply due to the price point, but I know of tons of brands that are excellent.
A safe, contained environment for your kiddo to lounge and play.
My mom bought us this for Henry when he was around 8 months old. He began taking his first steps at 7 months, and by the end of month 8 he walked like he had been doing it his whole life. (Cool to see your baby hit milestones early, but MAN it is terrifying having a baby that tiny able to walk anywhere he wants.)
Henry started getting into things he wasn’t supposed to, and often climbed things that weren’t necessarily safe for him, as he was still VERY little. He didn’t understand direction from us yet, and during those super tired mom moments, this thing was absolutely amazing.
My mom bought us this playard, and it was an absolute lifesaver. Made even the small tasks like getting a load of dishes done that much easier. We saved it for our little lady, and I have a feeling it will become even more useful when I am trying to separate a crazy toddler from a fragile infant who is learning to crawl. 😉
We also used this play pen for when we grilled, had parties, or just wanted to sit outdoors. Henry wasn’t big on grass, so this kept him safe from the “creepy” ground and kept bugs and spiders off of him, but still allowed him some fresh air and sunshine!
I linked the one that we used, but if you search “play pen” or “playard” on Amazon, you will see hundreds of different options.
Personally, I would not even purchase a crib this time around if we didn’t already have Henry’s that we will transition little lady to- not at first anyway. If you are tight on funds, I would recommend that you DON’T BOTHER until they are older! I say this mainly because it was our choice to have our babies sleep in our bedroom for the first six months of life anyway, and it is highly recommended that you do this for at least the first three, as it reduces your babe’s risk for SIDS.
That being said, we used our Pack N Play for safe sleep until we transitioned Henry into his own bed. We personally try not to co-sleep (and often fail, since we do anyway) due mainly to the fact that Drew wakes up for nothing in the world, and we wanted to follow all guidelines for preventing SIDS. So we set up our Pack N Play to keep Henry at arms reach, but still give him his own flat, safe sleeping space.
We purchased the “fancier” model, as models like these actually have the newborn bassinet attachment in them. If you are looking for a great deal, this PackNPlay is only right around $45.
I would also recommend registering for sheets like these for whatever model you have, and this time around we registered for this little quilt too.
Once toddlerhood hits and you are in major snacking phases, these snack and drink cups are lifesavers. I have used several different brands, but I will forever swear by all things Munchkin, due to the fact that every product I have used by them has been dishwasher safe, easy to clean, and 100% kid friendly. These are the three main products we used daily when Henry was an infant. He still uses all three today as a toddler.
These sippies are great for the smaller kids, and teach how to use a straw early. No matter what angle they hold the cup at (and I mean ANY angle) the straw will follow and allow them to drink.
These also come apart incredibly easy opposed to some other cups that do not clean well.
These are our transition cup, and helped Henry learn to drink from a big boy cup easily. Plus they are orthodontically approved.These snack cups are a must-have if you don’t what Cheerios crammed in ever crevice of every item of your house. (Ha, just kidding. It’s unavoidable, I swear.)
They’re especially awesome for the car, when you don’t want your kid to spill every bit of their snack, considering you can’t reach back while driving.
Drowns out sounds and plays soothing sounds for your babe as they sleep.
I would recommend this for ALL new parents. We will buy a second sound machine for our little lady’s room, as Henry still sleeps with his at almost two.
White noise mimics the sound that babies hear in the womb, meaning they are comforted by the sound due to the fact that that’s what they have heard for the last 9 months. That being said, the best thing that we EVER did with Henry was to teach him to fall asleep in a loud room. But no matter what, when he is sleeping, he has some sort of noise going on in the room. Keeping a babe in a silent and quiet room often trains them to wake at the slightest sound, and when you finally feel like having friends over again, this can be a nightmare.
We had Christmas parties, went to movies, and still have friends over almost every weekend to play cards now. We just put Henry down, turn up his sound machine, and he very rarely wakes from any noises we make.
We have used the machine linked above one for two years and love it. Henry loves the white noise, rain, crickets, and thunder sounds. We switch it up occasionally and he sleeps soundly with all the options.
Maybe we are lazy, but our diaper pail is one of my top 4 best baby buys ever.
Some moms will claim this is unnecessary- and to some families it totally is. Call us gross, but it’s true- we are just not a take-your-trash-out-every-day kind of family, so for us, this is a lifesaver. The small little bags keep diapers contained in an airtight container, and we are able to fit multiple stink bombs in there before needing to take out the trash. It wipes down and disinfects easy, so I see no real cons to having one! We have one in our kitchen, and one in our baby’s room, that way no trash cans in our house ever have to smell like baby poop.
We couldn’t care less about brand names with these- considering you are just throwing poop in them anyway, so we have always bought these Target brand bags as refills.
11. Wipes, wipes, & then more wipes, various prices
Discount: Target almost ALWAYS has Up&Up wipes on Cartwheel, and often runs gift card promos on bigger boxes of wipes! Buy in bulk, and you definitely save money.
I add this to the main list even though it is obvious, because personally, we use baby wipes for everything. I could receive 10 cases of wipes at a shower and be 100% content in feeling like we will use them all. Some parents are not this way, and prefer to use them ONLY for diapering. We use them to clean up spills, snot, hands, walls, tables, and of course baby bums. Because we use them for so much, we go through boxes and boxes. I personally do not bother buying fancier wipes, and always go with the off brand. Most of the time, even the store brands like Target’s Up&Up offer sensitive wipes too if your baby has allergies. I have never noticed a difference in quality, and to be honest, the off brand from Target especially always come out of the package WAY easier than the brand name wipes.
For this babe, we will register for at least 2-3 giant boxes, because we KNOW we will use them.
Must-Haves for Breastfeeding Mamas:
1. Nursing Cover, typically $20-$30
Even if you think you will never nurse in public, at some point, I am almost certain in saying this: you will- and this is a LIFESAVER.
I have absolutely nothing against breastfeeding openly in public, and would never shame a mama for doing so, but it just simply isn’t for me as I just don’t feel comfortable doing it. I prefer to be in the comfort of a private room when I nurse my babes. But when that isn’t possible, or when your only option is a bathroom (yuck) I choose to cover with a nursing cover. Multi-use covers are my FAVORITE, and in my opinion are way above the bar compared to the regular sheet-or-apron-like nursing covers. Most multi-use covers are 3-in-1, meaning you can use them for nursing, your infant carseat, and your shopping cart. Some even double as a scarf for you so you can wear them all day until you need them!
My favorite brands are CoveredGoods and MilkSnob, but you can also find some absolutely adorable prints on Etsy for slightly cheaper at times. I personally own a CoveredGoods cover, and I can attest to how easily it is for babies to breathe underneath, as well as how well it held up for the year and a half we used it. I just washed it last week and placed it in little lady’s room to use this time around, too. I would recommend getting at least one, if you can remember to keep it in your purse and wash it (which I can’t)- but this time I will register for 2-3 so I can throw them in my various bags and rotate them out with our laundry schedule. I will link a few of my favorites from various vendors in my Highlights on Insta this week!
2. Breast Pump
Discount: Check with your insurance before you EVER purchase a pump! Most cover a hospital grade pump 100%. Some even cover accessories and replacement tubing/pieces. As mentioned above, some insurance companies will even reimburse you for the cost of your milk storage bags!
We personally chose the Spectra S2, and I highly recommend it. I used a Medela in the hospital, and I really was not impressed with the output personally, but I know so many moms who swear by them. That being said, absolutely every woman is different, and every breast pump is going to work with your body differently. The biggest thing to remember is to get a hospital grade pump if possible, and to use the correct size phalanges. If you do this, any pump will work!
My favorite pump a little later on became a simple and cheap hand pump from Lansinoh. It was easy to throw into my purse and take anywhere, I didn’t have to worry about packing batteries or a cord, and it always drew out just as much milk as an electric pump.
This is the hand pump I bought for $29.99. Had I not had insurance that covered an electric pump, I absolutely could have made this work for my entire nursing months.
Makes the first 2-4 weeks of breastfeeding SO much less painful
Discount: Always ask your hospital first if they have a shield you may use. They often will send you home with several totally free!
You’re probably reading this thinking, “what in God’s name is a nipple shield!?” I said the same thing too the first time I heard it. A nipple shield is a small piece of silicone which goes directly onto the breast you are nursing from. It allows your milk to pool a bit in the end of the shield, making it easier for very tiny babies to latch on.
My sister introduced me of this product, and without it we honestly either wouldn’t have made it through the first week of nursing, or we would have turned to exclusive pumping- neither of which are the worst things in the world- just not what our original plan was. If you are super committed to breastfeeding your babe, this is a must-have on my list unless your baby is just a mega-rockstar in the latching world from the very beginning (and most babies aren’t.) Our son had a slight lip tie, though it was not big enough to revise. He had issues latching for the first week while his little mouth was too small, and this tiny contraption saved the day every time we nursed.
In addition, it makes those first few miserable weeks a LOT easier to ease into. Your nipples will be sore, they will likely crack, and honestly mine even bled. When wearing this, it was SO much less painful to nurse, and allowed my body to get used to the changes more slowly. Once Henry figured out how to latch properly, we stopped using the shield one day, and never looked back.
My hospital never once mentioned this as an option, but as soon as we got home and tried it, I was convinced every new mama who plans on breastfeeding exclusively needs one.
Allows your baby to rest comfortably directly in the hammock, or safely secures your carseat in a cart while shopping.
Discount: Click the link above for 10% off your entire order at BinxyBaby.
Image from Binxy Baby’s website. This is the color we have for our little lady, but so many different patterns and colors are available!
Oh my goodness, had I known about this brilliance when we had Henry, life would have been so much easier. Binxy Baby Shopping Cart Slings clip safely onto your shopping cart, giving your babe a hammock-like place to sleep while you shop. They also safely secure carseats- something that is always a struggle in shopping carts. (Trust me, there are VERY few ways to safely use a carseat in a shopping cart, and when you do use them safely, they take up your entire cart.)
We received our hammock this time around for our little lady, and would be registering for one if we did not.
Never in a million years did I think I would be registering for this lovely little device. Especially since we breastfed Henry exclusively, as a new (clearly unexperienced) mom, I was under the impression that he would never really get sick. Unfortunately, while breastfeeding is amazing for their immunities- whether you breast or formula feed your baby, they will still inevitably catch SOMETHING. And when they do, you will still be sitting there staring at your snotty, gasping baby with nothing more than the little blue bulb they give you in the hospital.
I have never used a NoseFrida personally, but I have SO many friends who swear by it. I 100% am trying it out this time around, because some of the worst nights of having an infant involved him sputtering and struggling to deal with the snot in his little nose that I just couldn’t fully suction with that bulb.
And to answer the big question: no, the snot doesn’t go in your mouth when you suck it out. The snot sucker comes with filters that keep any nasties you suck from their nose from EVER coming near the straw portion. In addition, their website states they have clinically proven that their filters also prevent any sickness-causing germs/bacteria from transferring up the tube as well. To me, that’s a win-win. Clear nose, no gasping baby, and nothing comes near your mouth.
You can also buy additional hygiene filters here for $3.99.
When we had Henry, we registered for the run-of-the-mill tiny little baby bath. We ended up getting a bath seat as well, and we really hated both. In the end, I ended up bathing him by laying a towel in the bottom of the tub, doubling it up for some cushion, and running about an inch of water in the tub, or after he began rolling, simply pouring the water on him in an otherwise empty tub as he bathed. In hindsight, I never felt comfortable bathing my infant in more than an inch or so of water. Of course, we never ever ever for ANY reason left Henry unattended in a bath- not even for a second- but those little boogers are still so slippery! I always feared Henry slipping under the water or slipping off his bath seat when we filled the tub with more than just an inch or so.
With little lady, we will register for either a bath mat/sponge or a blooming bath. Anything that allows you to use two hands while bathing your baby is 100% worth it, because in both a tub and a bath seat, I always felt the need to keep one hand on Henry’s belly. That sucks for your back as you are bending over that tub, and it makes bath time so much longer.
We personally will likely register for a blooming bath, because our sinks in this house are finally big enough to place one in, and by using a sink we completely eliminate the awkward angles that kill your back during bath times in a tub.
If you go with the bath mat, I would personally purchase one like I linked above. I always worry about mildew and mold with items that are consistently wet, so I would purchase an inexpensive version like the one listed above. That way I would not feel uncomfortable replacing it after a few months of use.
I always somewhat laughed at parents who needed to see their children during the night, but then I found myself walking to and from Henry’s room 15-20 times/ night after we moved him to his own room. We were able to check his vitals from our phone, but there is something about physically seeing your baby asleep that gives so much peace too. We are transitioning Henry to his big boy bed, and a video monitor is now crucial to us to watch him and make sure he is staying inside his bed all night.
We just purchased this model, which is actually primarily intended to be used in home security settings. It can alert to movement, and the 1080p picture allows for zooming and incredibly clear images. We have been watching Henry on our monitor tonight, and have been amazed at how well I can see him even with the night vision.
For Henry, we are able to talk to him through the camera, and can tell him to get his little booty back into bed if he gets out. The app allows you to connect multiple cameras, so we will be registering for an extra camera for the little lady’s room as well. Heck, with how cool these things are, we might even get one for several rooms to use as home security too. Easy to pull up on our iPad or phone, and quickly check both of our kids to see if they are still asleep and where they are supposed to be.
5. More baby socks than you could ever possibly need
I swear, dryers eat all socks to a certain degree, but they are a black hole for baby socks. Those things are SO tiny, that you will forever be searching for clean socks. I recommend purchasing ALL the same color and brand, simply for ease of matching. If you purchase all black socks, you don’t ever have to spend hours in the morning trying to find the match for the pink floral socks, the ones with the correct monster, or the polka dotted or striped ones. We like pajamas without the feet sewn on, so socks were a must for us!
What I wish we DIDN’T buy:
1. Baby Detergents
Let me preface this. NOT ALL BABIES ARE THE SAME. I always recommend purchasing a baby detergent to begin with while your baby is only a few weeks old, because all babies will have different reactions to products. That being said, we tested Henry out on a regular detergent pretty soon after birth, and when he had absolutely no reactions to such, we switched back to our regular detergent. Free and clear detergents are typically much more expensive, and usually don’t make me feel like the clothes actually smell clean. We personally decided that Henry didn’t need them at all. On top of that, Henry was notorious for blowouts and breast milk spills, and I was notorious for dropping pieces of food on him while I ate and he nursed (you judge, but just wait.) So instead of a free and clear detergent, we always preferred stain-fighting types of detergents. Cheaper, less hassle than washing separate loads, and kept his clothes much cleaner.
That being said again, I also highly recommend classic Shout for breast milk and poop stains, and Shout Set-In Stain Remover for people like me who can’t remember to treat clothes immediately. That stuff is cheap, and it is magic.
2. Changing Table
Let’s be real. You have your first baby, and for the first three weeks you change them on that cute little pad with all your diapers below, and you are so happy you bought your changing table. But after about a month, you start stashing diapers throughout the house for ease of access, and your favorite place to change your babe becomes the couch, the bed, the kitchen table, etc. (Again, judge me- you just wait.)
In hindsight, we bought a changing table that matched our crib, and I really wish we would have ONLY bought the changing pad. Instead, I would have purchased a decent dresser for Henry, possibly a solid wood one that could grow with him as he gets older. I would then place his changing pad on top of the dresser, that way the dresser could be used long after he potty trained.
For little lady, we are definitely NOT buying a changing table, and are even getting rid of the one we still have from Henry. Once they are done with diapers, they are pretty useless otherwise. We would rather invest in something that holds her zillion onesies, anyway!
And finally, just a few more sneaky little buying tips from a second-time mom who made mistakes the first time around, and who also realized what makes life a zillion times easier.
Don’t buy footie sleepers, especially not for the first 6 months! They outgrow these SO much faster. If you choose to purchase footless onesies, your babe will be able to wear them MUCH longer. In addition, if you have an Owlet, footless sleepers are so much easier to access your Owlet if there is simply a sock slid over it.
Buy newborn onesies/sleepers that have the mittens built in! Henry would NEVER keep his scratchy-no-more-mittens on (and thankfully wasn’t much of a face scratcher anyway) but we made the mistake of not just buying the onesies with sleeves that fold over their talon-like little hands. Those onesies just make life easier.
Only buy ZIPPERED pjs and clothes! While so many clothes have the tiny little snaps, let me very straightforward- THOSE. SUCK. AT. 3 AM.
Hopefully these products give you an idea of a few things to register for, and at least give your registry a kickstart! If you’re looking for small, fun things, I will include a few photos and links in my Insta Highlights to some not “necessary” items, but ones that we loved for Henry or are registering for for our little girl!
Feel free to message me on Instagram (@joyfulcrew) with any questions, and happy shopping mamas!
Oh sweet July 2016. I became a mom when my first baby boy was born in the heat of the summer, smack in the middle of July.
Do you know what this means?
It is mid-May 2018 as I write this, so inevitably the so-called “terrible twos” are almost here.
May I put for you into words how toddlerhood is going for us so far? Yes? Great. Let me just give you a little view from Henry’s side of the world.
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Wake up with the sun. Scream loudly until mom wakes too. Hungry. Ask for banana. Cry when banana is offered. Cry when banana is put back. Cry when banana is offered again. Smash banana into carpet. Cry when banana isn’t whole anymore. Thirsty from crying. Point to the milk. Bring mom the orange cup. Watch her fill it and take it when offered. Cry because it is not the blue cup. Thirsty… really thirsty. Drink milk. Cry when milk doesn’t taste like juice. Dump the milk on the carpet. Notice the smashed banana. Eat smashed banana. Cry when smashed banana is gone. Walk towards mom to ask for second banana. Step in milk puddle. Cry because feet are wet. Throw body onto floor. Flail arms and legs. Cry because shirt is soaked in milk.
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Any parents out there feel me? Toddlerhood is so ridiculous that the fits often end up humorous in the end.
Same, Henry. Same.
Let me preface all of this with what most of my close friends and family already know and are probably thinking while reading this:
Our Henry is really an angel. He’s a sweet little thing who loves kisses, loves to snuggle, picks up his toys without being asked, and loves kittens more than any small human I have ever seen. We have been so blessed with such a sweet and tender little boy, and I fully acknowledge that. But some days, the “terrible twos” seem like such a real thing that will devour me whole as a mom.
Shelby Chante Photography 2017
I wrote briefly about a morning like this in a post on my blog’s Instagram account the other day. Henry had a horrible morning where absolutely nothing I did seemed to make any difference. I write this in my post:
“I am not going to lie, this past week has not been a good one, and today has been particularly hard so far. It’s only almost 10am in Japan, and I’m already close to pulling my hair out. Henry is hitting the “terrible twos,” but I am constantly repeating to myself that contrary to popular belief, they are indeed not “terrible,” and HE is not terrible. He is frustrated, he can’t express himself in the way he wants to, he needs things he can’t convey, and that sucks more than anything in his world. He is a smart, sweet, silly little boy. I refuse to ever let him ever believe he is anything less than this.”
5 years ago, sometime during college
Drew and I expected to have so much longer as a childless couple before we had babies. We dated all through high school and college, leaving us ample time to plan out our future in depth, and our plan was always to wait until at least our late twenties to begin the process of building a family. Around 6 months after we married, I realized something was not right with my body and the way I was feeling. I grabbed a pregnancy test in passing at Target, and when I couldn’t sleep at 4am a night or so later, I so distinctly remember sitting in the bathroom, and seeing those two dark, unmistakable little lines appear in the form of a cross on that test.
Henry comes from that seemingly impossible 0.01-1% in the birth control world. He is a failed birth control pill baby, when I was using the pill correctly. I don’t hide this fact from anyone, because although he was an “oops” I believe that far before those hormones ever failed to stop ovulation, God has known my heart so desperately needed that little boy. What a blessing it is to be able to say that we had our son by accident.
But we never expected to have two kids by 23, and sometimes I find myself sincerely terrified that I am responsible for who my sweet babies grow up to be, when I am barely more than a baby myself in my mind. I am scared crapless, but I am also so intrigued by the monumental job is is to raise a little one.
Let me put it this way:
I can remember experiences in “people watching” from stages in life that I can barely remember anything else from. In places like Walmart, the park, or even my hometown school and church, I remember always noticing how mothers and fathers interacted with their kids. Though I never anticipated becoming a mother myself so early in life, I remember taking in every little tidbit of information on how others interacted with their children, and how their children interacted with them in return.
I remember the time in high school I left Walmart after purchasing nothing I walked in for, only to return to my tiny Cavalier’s front seat and sob. I remember crying for the blonde little girl who I saw reaching out for a book, begging her mom to let her read it to her as her mom repeatedly talked over her, telling her to be quiet because she was in a hurry. I remember her mother being SO angry with her in that moment, because the little girl would not seem to listen, no matter what. I remember that little girl loudly shouting that they had read the book in their class, and that she knew the words and could read it all by herself without her mom’s help. I remember the little girl yelling over her mother as her mom ripped the book from her hand, slamming it back to the shelf, while scolding her for not keeping her hands inside of the cart. I remember so desperately wanting to stop and let the little girl read me the book.
I remember the time during my college years that a rather young mother stopped everything she was doing in front of me at the bank in order to hear her seven or eight year old son stumble over his words as he told her a story he had suddenly remembered about what they had learned in school that day. I remember her apologizing to the bank teller briefly, but giving her son her full, undivided attention until he had finished his story. I remember the little guy beaming with pride as he told his mom about the lesson they had been taught, and I distinctly remember his mom’s sincere face and seemingly honest body language as she intently listened to his story- even though it was holding up the line. I remember her apologizing to me with a smile and a sheepish nod as she walked out. And I remember my feet moving without me even realizing what I was doing as I awkwardly (and in hindsight probably creepily) started running after her when I left the bank, simply to tell her thank you for the way she spoke to her children. I remember her response plain as day. “Oh my gosh, I have been terrible today. We were late to everything, and my youngest (who was barely a toddler) has seriously not slept more than 6 hours in three days. But thank you. I just try to let him know that I care about the things he cares about.”
I won’t bore you with all my silly small details that I have stored from my people-watching, but I could tell you a million. I can’t tell you why the way people interact with their kids sticks with me, but it always does. From the time I was in high school until this very day, I am profoundly affected by other parents and by the little humans that pop in and out of my day.
If you are not a mom or dad yet, I will be the first to tell you- when you have your first baby, you look at that sweet little face, and you promise to never ever speak a harsh word in their direction. You promise to never have time for anything but them, and to always and forever make them the center of your world. You wholeheartedly mean it, because those tiny little hands, those sweet sounding gurgles, and that intoxicating new baby smell seem to, well… intoxicate you. And it’s easy to promise these things until the hard moments come.
The “I haven’t closed my eyes even once in 48 hours because this baby screams every spare second unless he is latched to my breast” moments.
Or the “My toddler is hitting his head against the wall in frustration, and absolutely will not stop screaming at the top of his lungs because I won’t let him lick the dog” moments.
Or the “I swear on my life, this child has told me this same story six times today- four times yesterday- and if I hear one more thing about why she thinks she deserves a kitten even though she is massively allergic, I’m going to scream” moments.
Or the “My teenage daughter just told me she hates me because I told her she can’t date at fourteen, not even considering the fact she doesn’t even have a car to go anywhere” moments.
And then in these moments, you will probably become a totally different parent than you ever thought you would. And you WILL say harsh things, and you WILL speak in ways you regret, and you WILL still love your kids through these moments- but you definitely sometimes will not like them. And please hear me out- I am human, I get it, and I sincerely believe that it is okay.
But while we will all lose it at times, I believe it is so crucially important to remember that the way we speak to our kids is the voice they will hear for the rest of their life. Their little hearts are so open to the ones that care for them and provide for them, and the voice that you use becomes the voice that plants itself in their noggins. The tones we use, the words we speak, and the things we lead them to believe will forever stick with them. And whether we mean to or not, we will ALWAYS instill in our children what we repeatedly preach to them, and they will always believe what our actions repeatedly tell them that they are. I see so many young adults with parents who instilled all the wrong things from the start. They fight for years to believe they are worthy, or important, or even loved at all, and I think that that is the biggest tragedy and the root of so many problems we see in the world today.
So I pray every single day, that if I do anything as a mother, I make sure my babies grow up knowing two fundamental things above all else first. Above their success in life regarding their careers, or their financial security, or their need to be liked and known by others, I hope they are deeply rooted in these two things.
They are forever loved by their God. I will never be there 100% of the time, and I will miserably fail them no matter how desperately I try not to. But He is the one that never falters, and above all else they should always cling to Him. He is the only refuge and strength that will remain the same no matter what comes at them on this side of heaven.
They are so immensely loved by their daddy and by me. There is not a thing that they could ever do that would ever make us love them less. We are always on their side, we are always rooting for them, and we always want the absolute best for them. Through discipline, praise, and even through the moments we are silent, we love them more than we can ever convey.
And from my desire to instill these two truths, I pray daily that they will grow to be kind. That they will be compassionate. They will love others above themselves, and they will love the way God has crafted them, too. I pray that my words lead them to believe that they are important. That their stories matter. That they are beautiful. That they are so, so loved.
Every morning that I wake up, I am reminded by my own sweet mama’s words. “Speak to Henry gently. A little boy’s first love is his mama. You are his world right now.”
And every morning I intentionally remind myself of what a gift my little Henry is. And I will do the same when his baby sister arrives and I am as tired as I have ever been. The “terrible twos” are followed by the “three-nage” years, and then by the “four-nado” and so on. There is a whole list of terms we could bestow upon the hard years, but the reality is- all the years of parenting are hard in their own ways.
Shelby Chante Photography 2017
Every story is different. Maybe you are like me, and never expected to be a mother as soon as you became one. Maybe you have more kids than you can count on two hands. Maybe you are a foster parent, just trying to help some kiddos through a scary time in their lives. Maybe you have an only child, want no more kids in the future, and are happy with loving your one babe. Maybe you flew to impoverished countries to bring your babies home to you. Maybe you wanted your babies for years and years and years, and are finally now blessed with them.
Whatever your story- you, mama- you, daddy, are doing an incredible job. Just keeping a little one alive is a feat in and of itself, because I swear, their sole mission is to find all the ways that they could possibly hurt themselves. There is a reason that we have Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, and you deserve to be thanked and to be cherished, whether you have been the “perfect parent” or not. You are still a parent. You are doing the biggest, most important work you will ever do, whether you believe you are doing it well or not. The days are long, the tantrums are infuriating, and the sleep is scarce. The patience runs thin, and the TV occasionally just runs all day- because sometimes Paw Patrol can calm your kid like nothing else can. And the days are hard, but they are so important. It is never too late to begin instilling in your kids the things you want them to grow up knowing and believing with their whole hearts.
Shelby Chante Photography 2017
Find time in the morning to evaluate your upcoming day, and to pray for the moments that you need His unfailing grace. Take a breather. Take the time to collect before you react. Tell them daily through your words, but mostly through your actions, that they are loved, cherished, smart, capable, independent, kind, and compassionate. Sail through the hard days with a desire to understand WHY the days are hard, and why their little hearts are so frustrated. They see the world through unexperienced eyes and brains, and they are not always able to process the things we think they are. I promise, the behavior of your children will make so much more sense when you stop for a moment to see the world from their tiny little two-foot perspective.
The days are long, and they are hard, but the years are so short.
And ultimately above all else, on the hardest of these days, always remember to love them the hardest.
I feel it important to tell you this post may contain affiliate links or press samples. All opinions are 100% my own.
Is it just me, or does the majority of the late first and early second trimester of pregnancy just look like you have a massive food baby? I am forever in search of non-maternity clothes that can both hide or rock a growing bump (that may or may not be 10% baby, 90% tacos.) I love these flowy tunics from for this exact reason.
Want to show off a new baby bump?
Perfect. There is is!
Have a pooch to hide?
Perfect. Hidden.
Currently in the in-between stage at 15 weeks pregnant with my second little munchkin, so during a usual day my answer to “show the bump?” goes back and forth several times.
I received a blush and indigo tunic from Simplicity USA complimentary in exchange for my honest review, and I can honestly say I love them. Super soft and flowy, go well with a pair of skinnies (these are maternity skinnies) and come in so many colors!
BUMP, there it is!Eh, no baby there. Just a few too many tacos/Girl Scout cookies, right?
These tunics can be found here, and come in a variety of colors.
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Use code EMILY25 for a whopping 25% off your entire order, plus they ship worldwide! 🎉
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Here are the full details to my entire outfit, plus a couple alternatives that look similar. I linked both some maternity and non maternity jeans, too! (Maternity jeans are the world’s biggest struggle, I swear.) Eventually I will get this fancy Like to Know It stuff down, but for now I will just throw a list of links at you.
Several of these pieces I bought during previous seasons, so I linked similar options that are great buys.
Tunics– this will take you to the page of all the colors. Here is the direct link to the one shown above! I purchased a size medium. Sizing ranges from Small-3X and is true to size. Maternity friendly, I sized up one size to keep this flowy during my whole pregnancy, and with the length I can totally tell I will be able to wear it up to 40 weeks. With my coupon code, the tunics are just hovering around $24!
Jeans- I LOVE Tilly’s. I don’t know what it is about it, but I always find the best stuff in their Clearance section. I buy so many pairs of jeans there, and most of the time their clearance is 30-60% off. The jeans from this outfit are from Tilly’s, and are a size 3. I have washed the heck out of those things, and they are still going strong.
(Non-maternity)
$17, plus 30% off. I almost always wear a size down in anything from Tilly’s. This pair I would purchase in a size 3. My typical size is a 4/5. Check out their Clearance section, they currently have some awesome deals on denim.
(Maternity)
$34, plus additional 20% off with code EXTRA20! These are my favorite wash of denim. I love full-panel belly bands in jeans myself, and Kohl’s has always been my favorite for finding those. Fit is true to size- purchase your pre-pregnancy size!
Booties- I bought the pictured ankle boots two Christmases ago at Kohl’s on Black Friday/Cyber Monday for a grand total of $11. (Crazy, huh?) While these are obviously not available anymore from Candies, I linked a couple other booties I own or other options I liked below.
$16.48!! I love a good pair of flat ankle boots, but I also almost paired my lace up wedge booties with this outfit today. These are surprisingly comfortable. Here is the pair that I own!
Then here is a pair of Clearance ankle boots from Tilly’s that I’m seriously considering buying myself… as if I don’t already have enough tan shoes.
My faux suede ones have held up exceptionally well through the winters. I would expect no less of these.
Accessories-
My layered necklace came from Rue21 this past summer- I actually really LOVE their jewelry selection. They occasionally run a 2/$10 sale, and I totally always wait until that sale pops up to buy, but I will shoot you a couple cute layered necklace links now- these run $5-$8.
You’ll quickly learn that rose gold everything is my fave. This one caught my eye. Search “layered necklace” on their site- they have so many cute ones right now!
Lauren Conrad is also my jam with jewelry (okay, and with everything else she designs too…) When I worked at Kohl’s, I was seriously an LC addict.
I’m not even sure how many of these bracelets I own, but I love her layering/mixing bracelets. Kohl’s has a bunch on sale right now- these are my favorites.
Also, just for kicks, here is the phone case shown! (Just click on the photo to take you to the link- there are several different kinds of florals, all $9.99 for the iPhone 8 Plus!) I have had this one for 5 months and love the quality of the case.
I met Drew for the first time sometime around my second and his third grade year. His family had just moved to the area from WAY up north, and he began attending my Sunday School class at church. He had a funny northern accent, and was the somewhat weird, buck-toothed kid that my uncle affectionately named “Beavy” due to his massive overbite (our kids are orthadontically doomed.) He was a quiet, kind, and shy kid, and honestly I never liked him much due to my abrasive, stupid, and obnoxious personality as a middle schooler.
The cute little guy who said “beg” instead of “bag” for years.
Drew, on the other hand, somehow liked me from the very beginning. He first expressed his feelings for me during an ice skating trip with the church my sixth grade year. I distinctively remember sitting three seats back, and being asked by his friend if I “would maybe go out with him.” I turned to my best friend and asked her if I should. She shook her head no, and so I kindly declined.
Check out my bangs here, though! Bahaha.
The summer before my eighth grade year, I decided I really liked the attention he gave me. His overbite had been corrected, he was still kind- but less shy, and he had pretty muscular arms. I mean, why not? He was in high school, after all. So I decided on another church trip that we should be friends. I demanded that he text me on his new Razr flip phone, and he did. Over the next two years we became best friends, talking every day about absolutely everything and absolutely nothing. During the Spring of 2010, I kissed him on a dirt road between our two houses when we happened to run into each other while he was on his dirt bike and I was on my 15-year-old-kid-bike-bike. (To both of our moms- I promise we didn’t ever sneak out to see each other.) 😉
Drew and I were SO young when we started dating, and though he was much more level-headed than I was from the beginning, we both had a ton of growing up to do during high school. My mom had a strict rule about going out on any dates before my 16th birthday (thank God she did- I was a hooligan,) but shortly after I turned 16, we went out for the first time and continued our dating relationship from then on.
Between going to different (rival) high schools, Drew’s rigorous cross country program, our strict dating rules, his lack of ability to smooth-talk, and my lack of ability to not be a superficial and needy female, we broke up multiple times. We even separated for half a year during my senior year of high school with no intentions of reestablishing anything more than friendship again, if even that. When things came full circle and we started seeing each other again, I remember being so worried, as were my parents and friends. We were of the age to begin a serious relationship that would lead to marriage, but we had been so on-again, off-again. I remember reading article after article online during high school about how to know if someone is your “soul mate.” There are so many sources that will tell you that you are to find the person that makes you whole, gives you butterflies, is amazing in bed, and makes you swoon every time they enter the room. So of course, I attempted to look for certain attributes in Drew that were superficial and not coherent with who Drew actually was at that point. I wanted him to be over-the-top sweet, always charming, and never make me think that I was wrong. I sought after all the wrong advice and hoped he would change. Don’t get me wrong, my husband has an incredibly soft and kind heart- he just isn’t all about the mushy stuff.
Isn’t it funny how you look back on photos and realize what babies you were when you thought you were so grown up? God is gracious to us, and I’m so glad we made it.
Our Sunday school teacher during my high school years was an amazing man with an extremely sound and Christ-like view of marriage. He ended up being my mentor for my year-long project during my senior year, and he breathed so much truth into our Sunday School’s open ears on a weekly basis. Josh returned home to the Creator during my senior year, leaving behind his beautiful and sweet wife and three daughters. I will forever remember one thing that he said to us during our class that Spring.
The dialogue between him and another student went something like this.
Student: “Okay, so how do you know if marrying someone you’re dating is within God’s will or His plan for your life?”
Josh: “Do they love Jesus?”
Student: “Yeah.”
Josh: “Then you’re good.”
I remember actually laughing out loud, thinking he was joking, but he continued on, and spoke the words that I needed to hear so desperately at that point in my life.
“No seriously guys, I mean it. Ask yourself, do they love Jesus? Like… really love Jesus? And then I guess the second question is, ‘do they love you?’ If you answer yes to both of those, you’re golden. Go serve Christ together. Both of those questions encompass so many other subjects, anyway. God gives us so much freedom of choice, and wants us to seek out exactly who WE love. He wants us to form genuine and authentic relationships, and He wants our marriages to last. He gives us guidelines on how to make that happen within His plan, but picking WHO that lifelong mate is… is totally up to you. When you marry someone, you aren’t marrying them because you’ve decided they are the perfect person for you. You’re marrying them because you have decided that you love the flawed person that they are, and want to make a commitment to build your own version of a God-honoring life with them.”
I remember being in tears that week, because it was the truth that my heart so desperately needed. I breathed a sigh of relief, because this idea of dating took SO much pressure off the dating process itself, and allowed the freedom that Christ truly does offer to take root.
Over the next two years, Drew and I grew in Christ and grew as individuals. We attended the same bible college, and sought to honor Christ with our relationship. I realized over those two years that he was definitely not my soul mate. In fact, from everything that I had read online in the years prior, he was SO far from it. Our personalities are drastically different, and our love language isn’t anything like you see in the movies. We only speak sarcasm. We make fun of each other daily and rather harshly, and MAN do we laugh at each other. He isn’t wonderful with the compliments, and he doesn’t shower me with gifts weekly, but man, he loves me so well. As our college classes spoke truth after truth into my heart about what marriage is meant to be, I realized that he was absolutely the man that I wanted to build a life with.
In April of 2015, I walked down the aisle to a 20-year-old young man who was overcome with emotion as I walked toward him. I promised that for the rest of my life, I would honor him, cherish him, and build the God-honoring life with him that Josh had taught us about. We will have been married 4 years this Spring. We have a sweet little boy and a beautiful little lady, and I will forever be thankful that I didn’t search for my “soul mate” those years ago.
Here’s the thing. The boy that I started dating in high school was a scrawny, quiet cross country runner. He loved books, listened to heavy metal and alternative rock, had a shaggy but well-combed haircut, and at one point he joined a quilting club.
The man I dated through college was a body-building, Razor scooter riding, heavy metal and worship music listening Target employee who spent his summers playing guitar in the National Parks.
And the man I am married to today is a patient father and a sarcastic and outspoken jokster. He is a disciplined service member with tattoos and a high-and-tight haircut, and he can bench 4x the weight that he could when we started dating.
I say all of this to tell you that he has changed, as we all do, and I expect him to change again with every year that passes.
I didn’t marry a man simply because he had a body I thought was perfect, because bodies can and will change.
I didn’t marry a man who was always there for me, because sometimes your husband just physically can’t be. (And because good Lord, my husband cannot answer his phone to save his life.)
I didn’t marry a man because he gave me butterflies, because I knew that there would be times when the butterflies just weren’t there.
I didn’t marry a man whose personality perfectly meshed with mine, because God knows I am the most irrational person in the world at times, and nobody should mesh perfectly with that, to be honest.
I didn’t marry a man who I knew beforehand was “compatible in bed,” because I made a commitment long before we started dating to wait for my wedding night. (As did Drew, and it was the best thing we ever did.)
I didn’t marry a man who completed me, because I knew that I would be so sorely disappointed if I ever expected him to do that.
I didn’t marry my soul mate, because searching for a soul mate alone will leave you absolutely empty in the end.
I married my best friend in the world, because he looked me in the eye and told me that He would always love Christ before me, and that He would stay by my side, loving me well until the day that one of us returns home to be with our Creator.
I chose Drew for so many reasons. I chose him because I loved his laugh. I chose him because he picked on me and is sarcastic like my dad. I chose him because he was always amazing with his younger siblings. I chose him because he challenged me to look past my comfort zone. I chose him because he was always firm in what he believed. I chose him because he called me out on my crap. I chose him because he has an amazing family that I love to be around. I chose him because he was always real with me and never put on a show to impress me, like at all. But ultimately, I chose him because he loves Jesus with his life, and I knew I could build a life with him.
I make a choice every single day, to wake up and keep choosing him. Through his flaws and imperfections, through my mistakes and shortcomings. Through our fights and hard days, through the days he makes me angry to just be around. I will choose every day to honor the commitment we made, and to love him to the very best of my ability. Drew is my biggest supporter and the best leader, and I have built the most beautiful little life with him.
Day after day after day, I will willingly and so happily choose to love the man that isn’t my soul mate.
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